Doctor Who: We regret to inform you that you are still legally a man

Dear Doctor, thank you for your recent application to change your legal gender under the Gender Recognition Act.

However, a number of issues have come to light with your application.

Firstly, you have not been living as your acquired gender for the required period of time.

In order to qualify for legal gender recognition, you must first live in your acquired gender for at least two years – that is, 26 episodes plus two Christmas specials.

Secondly, you did not include the £140 fee.

Lastly, it has also come to our attention that you are legally married to one Professor River Song.

As your marriage was conducted in a quarry in Wales, we regret to inform you that under the law of England and Wales, we are unable to process any application for gender recognition at this time.

Under provisions of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act, we require consent from your spouse in order to move forward with your change of legal gender.

The Gender Recognition Panel has received no confirmation of consent from Professor Song. Indeed, we have been unable to locate Professor Song at her last known address, the Stormcage Containment Facility.

• Dec 01

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