Mother says her trans child is ‘not a threat’ as she opens up about her own journey to acceptance

Four years ago, Jacqui Taylor found out through another mother that her daughter was trans.

As Transgender Awareness Week continues – it runs until Wednesday (19 November) – PinkNews hears from a voice that often goes unheard: that of the parents of transgender children. 

Jacqui approached her daughter, who confirmed it, and said that she hadn’t initially felt comfortable telling members of the family because of things they had said in the past. 

“I felt in quite a lot of turmoil,” Jacqui says. “Then I went into a phase of trying to do all the right things: letting her know we supported her, asking what she needed from us, and contacting the school.” 

‘There’s the classic shock, denial and grief’

She recalls spending “ages” speaking to “lots of people who didn’t really know much about it either”, but help came from a former neighbour who also had a trans child. 

“There’s the classic shock, denial and grief. But as time passes and you see your child doing well, that slowly ebbs away.” Her daughter is now at a “top university”, which Jacqui partly attributes to the school’s support. 

“You haven’t lost anybody. It’s the same person. They’re just much happier because they are complete,” Jacqui adds. Having looked for a charity to help she eventually found FFLAG.

“There was a lot to learn,” she admits, adding that she had been unaware of the anti-trans rhetoric in the UK. “I always worry how hard it must be to make sense of the information, given the hostility that’s out there.”

She remembers going down some “very weird, dark paths” in an attempt to rationalise everything. 

‘She just wants to get on’

Throughout her journey, Jacqui has educated herself, attending conferences and workshops, joining FFLAG and reading widely. At one meeting, she got to know a trans woman and the connection “flicked a switch”. That relationship allowed her to ask the questions she hadn’t felt able to talk to her daughter about. 

“It’s powerful to see somebody further down the journey doing well in life. It’s very different being confronted with something you don’t know much about, being naturally worried about your child, then seeing all the horrible stuff written online. 

“This is what galvanised me behind my child. Now, when people say or write such things, I say: ‘That’s my child you’re talking about and she’s not a threat to anybody’. She’s got no interest in doing any of the things people suggest trans women might want to do. She just wants to get on.” 

Pronouns are also part of the learning curve and can be “difficult because it’s habit”, but she says: “The biggest thing for me was recognising that a lot of the issues were about me and my prejudice and bias that I didn’t want to admit.

“As a parent, you don’t have the luxury of having an opinion.” 

On the gender-critical movement, she wonders “why some people have chosen to make it their life’s work” when they could instead “do lots of really good things in the area they say they want to support”.

Echo chambers of misinformation are rife online, and Jacqui knows she could have fallen into one of the “honey traps” early in her daughter’s transition. “As parents, we often assume we know better, and we don’t,” she points out.

“The courage and bravery it takes is immense,” she says of trans people, adding that the older transgender men and women she knows are “the most genuine, kind and lovely people”.

Jacqui is working on a book about all she has learnt.

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