‘I’m a trans woman, I would literally rather pee myself in public than enter the men’s toilets’

Journalist Amelia Hansford explains why she would rather soil herself in public than risk being sexually abused or attacked in the men’s toilets under a potential trans toilet ban.

Yes, you read that right. In nearly every conceivable situation I can think of, I would prefer to publicly soil myself than dare to enter the men’s toilets.

As the end of 2025 draws closer, so too does the daunting possibility that the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has handed the Labour government justification to ban trans people from public bathrooms. Even more daunting is the possibility that the government, in all its wilful ignorance and desperation to court the votes of bigots, will follow-through with said ban.

Since the EHRC handed its as yet unpublished code of practice to equalities minister Bridget Philipson in September, I have spent considerable time focused on the implications of such a ban. As a journalist, I write about the already intense daily impact it is having on the people of this country. I have spoken with experts, activists, politicians, and so many more who, like me, are dreading the prospect that, within a few months, we could be barred from going to the toilet.

In that time, I’ve remained confident that, if it came to it, I would wet myself in a public space rather than enter the men’s.

This isn’t some audacious choice designed only for shock value, it’s a practical necessity, a survival tactic; my last resort should the odds be against me. It’s one I’ve had to consider, though never follow-through, in the past – my six-hour wait at Luton airport with no available gender-neutral toilets and 32-hours worth of facial hair comes to mind.

If you haven’t heard from under your rock, men are overwhelmingly responsible for violence or sexual harassment against women. Rape Crisis England & Wales reports that 91 per cent of people prosecuted for sexual offences are men. It also just so happens that trans women are far more likely to experience physical or sexual violence according to Stop Hate UK.

When I say I am determined to never set foot in the men’s, I am telling you that I would rather the mortifying social embarrassment of peeing myself than to risk my life. It’s as simple as that.

Because, make no mistake here, I am beyond relieved I have never had to follow through with my pledge. Wetting yourself is, surprise, a horrible experience! Go ahead and read the number of anecdotes online about it, and you’ll see it often leaves people traumatised, crying, and deeply embarrassed. That’s not even acknowledging those who have bladder control issues or IBS.

‘Reflect why you’re looking down at us and not the institutions that have forced us to make this ultimatum’

I hope I never have to pee myself in public, I truly do. I don’t think I would ever be able to live it down. Yet, I would still happily choose that over accessing the men’s toilets – I would much rather live embarrassed than risk being sexually abused or killed.

What speaks volumes is that I am almost certain numerous trans people reading this are thinking, well, duh. That, to me, truly defines the government’s treatment of the trans community. Labour has helped to create a society so unrelentingly hostile towards trans people that it’s benign for us to prepare for the possibility we might need to pee ourselves in public.

You may find that gross or ‘icky’, you may even think less of me and others for it. If you do, I ask you to reflect on why you’re looking down at us and not the institutions that have forced us to make this ultimatum.

Over the weekend, the EHRC’s new chair, Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson, told the BBC she believed all this brouhaha over single-sex spaces would disappear if there was more “goodwill and recognition that everybody has rights”.

To Dr Stephenson, I say: here is your chance to recognise my rights. Here is your moment to acknowledge that I, as a human being with rights that you gleefully acknowledged, could be put in a position to either unwillingly wet myself or risk abuse simply for needing to use the toilet.

It’s high time the government, the EHRC, and the media stop pretending that these policies don’t have real world consequences. That hundreds of trans and cis people haven’t already reported facing harassment for using the correct restrooms, let alone being forced to use the wrong ones. If the government truly wants to torture us with a toilet ban despite the pleas to reconsider, then they must deal with the messy consequences.

Because, like it or not, if I enter the men’s toilets, the people in there will only see my femininity. They will see me as a woman invading their space. Even if they think I am a man in a woman’s dress, they will only see the dress. At that moment, I will be a woman in their eyes, and the thought of what happens next terrifies me.