Can trans women really double-jump like in video games?

It’s the question that has plagued humanity for as long as we’ve had legs and the necessary muscles to temporarily propel ourselves upward; are trans women able to double-jump?

For millennia, philosophers, academics, and intellectuals have tried and failed to uncover the elusive answer to a question as old as time itself.

Did Marsha P Johnson double-jump before she threw the first brick at Stonewall? Could Sophia Burset have simply leapt over the prison fence and escaped Litchfield in Orange is the New Black? And why didn’t Dylan Mulvaney propel herself, as we assume all trans women can, during her Days of Girlhood TikTok series?

Ok, we might be taking this a little far – but weirdly, it the question of “can trans women double-jump” really is a thing.

Of course, to begin answering these locomotive conundrums, we have to turn to what is very much the bible of philosophical answers to the trans community’s greatest mysteries – the 2018 video game Celeste.

Created by games developer and double-jumping aficionado, Maddy Thorson, the platformer sees the canonically trans character Madeline brave the great climb of Mount Celeste to confront her self-doubts and prove she can achieve greatness.

While some might brazenly assume the award-winning title is an allegory for the hard, thankless work it takes to cope with mental health issues like anxiety or depression, a more scholarly, intellectual analysis suggests that it’s clear-cut proof that trans women can, indeed, jump and then jump again while in midair.

The first person – nay, the first scholar – to make the groundbreaking observation was Redditor Meylody who, in 2021, published an illustrative research paper on their analysis which some have foolishly misconstrued as a meme.

The, ahem, so-called “meme”, published to r/gamingcirclejerk, shows a crude drawing of a layman assuming the game’s story contains themes about mental health. Meanwhile, it’s true meaning – that trans women can double-jump – whooshes over them completely.

Since then, scholars across the globe adopted the way of thinking, with one, Twitter user FleshBeast, suggesting that video game characters who can double-jump, such as the Doom Slayer from the DooM series, must be trans.

Others, including user ComfyBasilisk, instead suggested the hypothesis was not true and amounted to a “gross misrepresentation” of Celeste’s true purpose; to prove that trans women can air dash.

So is it true? Can trans women defy the laws of physics and produce kinetic energy where there is none? Do we need a power-up, such as a gold coin or an Ikea shark plushie, to achieve our double-jump dreams?

PinkNews finally reveals whether trans women can double-jump

We asked four trans women to tell us whether they could double-jump and to prove it using video evidence, which PinkNews has seen.

One respondent, a 26-year-old from Stoke-on-Trent, told PinkNews they “can’t even single jump”.

Another, a 25-year-old from East London, said they couldn’t double-jump, but could backwards long-jump up a flight of stairs. When asked to provide evidence, the respondent told us no.

The final two respondents claimed they could indeed double-jump. However, recorded video evidence showed both of them jumping once, with no subsequent midair jump.

Since none of the respondents actually double-jumped, and since four respondents for a study is a terrible sample-size, it seems the jury is still out on whether trans women hold the key to physics-defying acrobatics.

Evidence in Celeste also suggests that perhaps the earlier analysis of it as a deeply vulnerable story about overcoming depression and stigma may well be true, including its infamous memorial dedicated to “those who perished on the climb” found at the end of the game.

Oh well, perhaps we’ll find out trans men can climb walls like Spider-Man.

Share your thoughts! Let us know in the comments below, and remember to keep the conversation respectful.