This Valentine’s Day, why not just turn yourself on? 

What better gift to give yourself this Valentine’s Day than the gift of learning to turn yourself on? 

Dr. Anna Hushlak and Billie Quinlan are founders of Ferly, a sexual wellness app guided by science and research-based therapy sessions.

Through Ferly, the pair have already helped more than 500,000 women across 70 countries. But they want to help even more – cue Turn Yourself On. 

Their first book isn’t just an enjoyable read, it’s a go-to guide, especially those who want to embark on a journey of self-discovery. 

Through eight key principles and 24 step-by-step tools, the pair offer insight that they claim to not only help readers have great sex, but also foster a healthy, confident and pleasurable life overall.

‘Sexuality does not belong to a narrow group of people’

Both founders have experienced sexual assault – Billie by a senior colleague at work, and Anna, who lost her virginity to rape as a teenager. They share with PinkNews that it was important for them to make the book inclusive to all. 

“Sexuality does not belong to a narrow group of people with certain bodies, identities, or relationship structures, even though that is often how it is presented,” Billie says. 

Included in the accessibility of the guide is “meant language”, cutting out jargon and creating something “evidence-based but readable, compassionate but practical”. 

Why? Because they believe “pleasure should not feel elite, intimating or exclusive”. “It should feel human,” Billie shares, explaining that this principle “shaped everything from the tone to the structure to the examples we chose to include”.

Billie says they feel “deeply proud, but also quietly humbled” by their “workbook”, which she says wasn’t created out of the want for a “definitive guide”, but rather a book they both “desperately needed when we were struggling with our own relationship to sex and intimacy”. 

They didn’t want something that would “talk down to us, medicalise us, or assume we were broken”, Billie adds, referring to the bestselling book. 

‘The antithesis of shame is sharing’

Anna echos Billie, adding that writing the book felt “vulnerable” because they were sharing their own experiences. 

“I think there’s a huge amount of pride, especially given the kind of censorship, stigma and shame often associated with this area,” she adds. 

“The antithesis of shame is sharing, and I think it’s been a powerful experience for us both.” 

Billie explains that by using their own stories in the book as case studies, readers are able to see the shared principles that “help women actually create change” come to life. 

Meanwhile, Anna says she felt a “sense of duty” to share her story to challenge the shame often associated with victims of assault. 

“To see the book become a go-to resource for so many women feels surreal. 

“Desire, pleasure, identity, and intimacy are areas where most of us are expected to just figure things out, often in silence. If this book helps even a small number of people feel less alone, less ashamed, or more at home in their bodies, that feels like a meaningful legacy for a first book,” Billie shares. 

For Billie, “speaking openly was part of reclaiming agency”. “It took the experience out of secrecy and isolation and put it back into my hands,” she says. 

But she understand that for others, “privacy is safety”, “silence can be protective” and “healing does not require disclosure, it requires choice”. 

Similarly, Anna says that talking helps, but before that stage, “listening and hearing” can also aid in processing what has occurred. 

Research has shown that those in the queer community are affected by anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs, as well as legislation which attacks LGBTQ+ people. This can lead to use of antidepressants. 

‘It’s about understanding what’s hitting your gas’

Anna, who is open about having been on antidepressants herself understands that during such times “the furtherest thing” from the mind is sex or intimacy. 

“Understanding the context for why your own desire is ebbing and flowing, and seeing it as seasons,” is a way to be kind to yourself when cultivating desire. 

“It’s about understanding what’s hitting your gas and what’s hitting your brakes,” she explains, adding that with mental health, brakes can feel “very heavy”,  making it harder to feel turned on.

But knowing what “makes you feel sexy or more open to being in the mood, verses all the things that distrust and interrupt that”, goes a long way in aiding a fulfilling sex life. 

She also notes that sex does not always have to be with another person, it can be with yourself. It doesn’t need to be sexual – it can be anything that makes you feel good, like having a massage or noticing how the water feels on your body. 

“Think about how we cultivate eroticism in our lives, as opposed to it having to be about sex,” Anna shares. 

Billie acknowledges this, noting that the sexual side effects of such medications are real, yet “under-discussed, especially in queer communities where pleasure and embodiment can already feel hard-won”. 

But she is adamant that no one should “feel pressure to prioritise libido over survival or stability”. 

Suggestions for those who do wish to still enjoy intimacy, she says include “naming what is happening”. “Understanding that changes in desire, arousal, or orgasm are medication-related can reduce a lot of self-blame,” she shares. 

She also recommends “slowing down and focusing on sensation, intimacy or connection,” which can “keep pleasure alive” when “goal-oriented sex becomes harder”. 

‘Pleasure is not a pass-or-fail test’

Also, “advocating for yourself medically” can help, including finding medication and doses that work, and “removing performance pressure”. 

“Pleasure is not a pass-or-fail test. It is allowed to look different at different points in your life. The bigger issue is that we rarely talk honestly about the trade-offs, and that silence can create shame where there does not need to be any,” Billie says.

The pair are both working on their own ventures, but continue to share the passion for empowering others to turn themselves on.