Hayley Kiyoko says she felt she had to ‘hide’ her sexuality from age five or six
Hayley Koyoko (Image: Raymond Hall/GC Images)
Hayley Kiyoko has said she knew she was a lesbian from around the age of “five or six”, but societal pressure meant she did not feel able to come out until her 20s.
The singer and actor shared the experience on Jenna Ushkowitz and Kara Wang’s Undefinable podcast, reflecting on how early self-knowledge did not translate into feeling safe enough to be open.
Kiyoko said: “For me, I knew I was a lesbian. I didn’t know the term, but I knew when I was five or six, so, pretty early on, I was like, ‘I have to hide who I am.’”
“I have to hide who I am”
Kiyoko also spoke about the tension of growing up in what she described as an artistic, encouraging family, while still feeling unable to be honest about her identity.
“But it was interesting that I didn’t feel comfortable expressing who I was to my family, … because of the societal pressures of just the heteronormative narrative, I [just] didn’t,” she said. “It took me a really long time to get there, until my 20s.”
She added that the lack of visible LGBTQ+ role models made things feel even more isolating. “I didn’t know any queer gay out people. I didn’t know the term gay, but I was like, ‘ohh, I like girls’ and people don’t like girls. That was the narrative I had in my brain.”
Representation and belonging
Kiyoko also reflected on growing up half Asian and feeling she rarely saw people who shared her background. She said: “There weren’t a lot of people who looked like me. Maybe one.”
Kiyoko broke through as a queer pop artist with songs and videos centred on women-loving-women narratives, and she has long been embraced by lesbian and sapphic audiences. She is also known for the fan-bestowed nickname ‘Lesbian Jesus’, reflecting her cultural status as a modern lesbian icon in pop music. In recent years, she has continued to be a touchstone for fans through her music, including the enduring legacy of ‘Girls Like Girls’, and her personal life, including her engagement to Becca Tilley.
