Bottoms, assemble! You can now get a Lady Gaga Chromatica jockstrap
It was once written that Lady Gaga said: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
This is the confidence we have in approaching Gaga – that if we ask anything according to her will, she hears us.
And hear us she did. Lady Gaga heard our prayers – for a Chromatica-themed jockstrap – and, boy, did she deliver.
Gaga dropped a new capsule collection of merchandise May 12, and in that bounty came an electric pink jockstrap with “Chromatica” printed above the crotch.
The “Stupid Love” hitmaker’s tweet announcing them came paired with a 90s-styled newspaper ad, fitting with the sixth studio album’s Y2K aesthetic, with the word “Energy” printed in bold.
— Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) May 11, 2020
Beautiful. We, for one, cannot even begin to comprehend that Gaga just invented bottoming.
Lady Gaga Chromatica jockstrap: Four words the gays prayed to be able to type one day’
For days people prayed for a hot-pink jockstrap to go with their newly pre-ordered Gaga thong and Gaga briefs.
She really stole your art direction ?— but you're not Gaga (@ZKonstantinos) May 11, 2020
Now fans can fully embrace the lifestyles of those who live on Chromatica. Sipping tea with their Chromatica mugs, wearing their Chromatica bandana, sleeping on their, er, Chromatica pillow and giving undeserving relatives Chromatica socks and Chromatica keychains for the holidays.
Capitalism truly does make dreams come true. Even on the planet Chromatica!
Anyway, back on Earth, the gays did their duty in serving Gaga by rightly going wild and buying the jockstrap which comes coupled with a digital download of the upcoming album.
The way every gay on earth is gonna own a digital copy of Chromatica ? https://t.co/54uHDcoDZ6— Lady Gypsy ✨ TEMPEST OUT MAY 14 (@Chromatic_Gaga) May 11, 2020
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) May 11, 2020
Oh my god she just funded her next several albums with the funds she’ll make from the Jockstrap alone https://t.co/gUi2tM32cJ— Chris ? (@illucifer) May 11, 2020
Lady Gaga said https://t.co/H8SdCbYhss pic.twitter.com/tFT3Ma2ceA— Nico Correia (@notn1co) May 11, 2020
Imaging getting ready to hookup with your bottom and you pull their pants down to see their Chromatica Jock Strap https://t.co/tTsXkjEkS7— ?? Dan (@thejovians) May 11, 2020
Feeling chaotic. Might use my unemployment check to buy the j*ckstr*p https://t.co/KVsnk52gmC— Stuart (@Stubaby226) May 11, 2020
RuPaul’s Drag Race girl Jan Sport did her part.
ASK AND YE SHALL ~*~RECEIVE~*~ https://t.co/l7QPwf85Zt— Jan (@jansportnyc) May 11, 2020
As did Walking Dead star Daniel Newman, the new poster boy of being horny on main all the time. Seriously, all the time.
— DanielNewmaη 404-737-1636 (@DanielNewman) May 11, 2020
And some fans had some, er, suggestions on which direction to take her merchandise next, all sinful things considering.
I just can't with these homosexuals pic.twitter.com/sUMSRWOMdg— Magnolia Crawdad? (@JonLastName99) May 11, 2020
Anyway, us lowly denizens of Earth may not be able to don our Gaga jockstraps for Pride this year, but buying at least seven of them – one for each day of the lockdown week, despite the fact that time no longer exists anymore – seems more than sensible.
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