Chris Appleton attempted suicide while struggling with sexuality: ‘What if I just surrender?’

Celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton has bravely opened up about experiencing suicidal ideation and attempting to take his own life while struggling with his sexuality.

Content warning: This article deals with themes of suicide. Reader discretion is advised.

Chris Appleton, celebrity hairstylist to stars like Kim Kardashian and Ariana Grande, has opened up about struggling with his mental health and experiencing suicidal thoughts while making the decision to come out as gay.

Appleton has two children, Billy and Kitty-blu, who are now 22 and 20, respectively, with his ex-partner Katie Katon. Though Appleton and Katon had split up when the hairstylist came to terms with his sexuality, he has now opened up about how difficult the experience of coming out as gay with children was.

Speaking to Jay Shetty on the 6 August episode of the On Purpose podcast, Appleton heartbreakingly shared that at one point, he felt that it would have been, “better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay.”

Speaking to Shetty, Appleton said that he and Katon were “together for nine years, had two kids, and it was a magical nine years. I honestly thought I had it all figured out” – but that when he came to terms with his sexuality, “it all came crashing down.”

“I really loved her,” he explained. “I didn’t want to be gay. I didn’t want to be different.”

He continued: “My job as a dad was to protect my kids. I just didn’t want them to ever had that shame put onto them. In a way it felt like a disease, it felt like cancer and I wanted to cut it out. Like, ‘if I could just get rid of that then I could be a good dad.’”

Chris Appleton then said that when he came out, he felt like he “messed up” his children’s life. ” I felt like I’d failed as a dad because my job was to protect them. And if anyone ever hurt them, I would protect them. But I was the one hurting them.”

It was that shame that led him to attempt to take his own life.

“I felt like it would be better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay,” he told Shetty. “And so I brought some painkillers, I brought a bottle of alcohol and I checked myself into a hotel. I took the tablets and drank the alcohol. I rang Kate and I apologized for the pain that I’d caused.” 

Thankfully, Appleton survived – and it was a turning point to accept his sexuality.

“I just remember thinking, ‘What about if I just surrender?’” Chris recalled.

“‘What about if I’m just gay and I just be that?’ I don’t really know where to begin with it, and I don’t know where it’s going to lead me, but it has to be better than what I’ve been doing.”

Appleton later married YOU star Lukas Gage in a wedding officiated by Kim Kardashian and attended by Shania Twain – though the pair divorced less than a year later.

Suicide is preventable. Readers who are affected by the issues raised in this story are encouraged to contact the Samaritans on 116 123 (www.samaritans.org), or Mind on 0300 123 3393 (www.mind.org.uk). Readers in the US are encouraged to contact the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-8255. 

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