Butch and femme lesbians react to awkward sex questions

Butch and femme lesbians react to readers' dilemmas

We asked butch and femme lesbians to react to readers’ awkward questions about lesbian sex.

From soft to stone butch, futch (a mix of femme and butch) and high femme, queer women express their gender in all sorts of glorious ways.

We asked Helen and Maria, two femme lesbians, and Ro and Nana, two butch lesbians, to react to readers’ dilemmas and embarrassing sex questions.

And yes, we’re talking tribbing, whether lesbians actually do scissoring and if they watch lesbian porn.

Watch part one:

Meaning of butch?

Ro and Nana, who identify as “masculine-presenting”, define butch as being more masculine and wearing “tom boy clothes”.

It’s basically “big strap energy”, says Nana—although they agree in the video that doesn’t necessarily mean butch top, and that you can get butch bottoms as well.

“You can just tell a butch, you know what I mean?” says Helen.

Define femme?

Femmes are the “more lipstick, girly types of lesbian”, says Ro.

Helen and Maria (who is also a cisgender lesbian drag queen called Miss Disney) define themselves as high femme meaning femme clothing and make-up but it’s also more than that.

“For me, I think instead of it being visual, or what you look like, I kind of see it as more of an energy,” Helen explains.

Butch and femme stereotypes

There are a million and one stereotypes about lesbians when it comes to sex but one really stands out for Maria, Helen and Nana.

“The stereotype I really try to educate people about is that femmes are going to be the bottom consistently, every day for the rest of their lives, which just isn’t the case,” Helen explains.

“When you’re with someone and they expect you to be like that—they expect you to just lay there because you’re more femme.

“They expect you to be the heterosexual woman and it does start to knock your confidence because you’re not getting to experiment and practice.”

Maria, who also identifies as high femme, says: “There’s a lot of femmes that do want to give back,” says Maria.

“For me, it’s not something I would want to do consistently, just sitting back—the stereotype frustrates me a little bit.

“I’d strongly recommend femmes to have sex with other femmes so you don’t fall back into those stereotypes,” she laughs.

Butch lesbian Nana agrees: “I’m not always dominant—most of the time I am but I also like to receive and switch roles.”

The stereotype that annoys Ro most is the heteronormative concept that sex must include penetration.

“They say if there’s no dick involved then it’s not sex—a lot of people say if there’s a strap on, the girl may as well go to a guy for sex,” she explains. “That annoys me the most I think.”

“Straight couples use straps as well, you know—it’s called pegging.”

Watch part two:

In part two, they react to readers’ questions about whether you would ever share sex toys with multiple partners and whether lesbians can really have long nails.

They also reveal if they have ever dated or been a pillow princess in the bedroom.

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