Virgin Island star Ellen on coming out, leaving the church and how the show changed her life

Channel 4 show Virgin Island returned to screens on 27 April for a second series, inviting 12 brave cast members to overcome their struggles when it comes to intimacy.

Among them was Ellen, 35, from Hayward’s Heath, who wasted no time in asking who else was part of the LGBTQ+ community. After coming out as gay later in life, the childcare practitioner struggled with physical closeness and had anxiety about intimacy, worrying that she would “do it wrong”.

Speaking exclusively to PinkNews, Ellen reveals how joining a church made her hit a roadblock when it came to figuring herself out, and how Virgin Island has positively changed her life.

Like co-star Joy, whose younger years in the church made her think she had to convert gay friends, Ellen came from a religious background in her 20s which made it difficult for her to come out.

She tells us: “I decided to go to church for a little bit. I thought it was a great way of meeting people, because I’d just come back to the UK from being away working.

“They spoke a lot about ‘marriage is between a man and a woman’, that sex was a sin outside of marriage.”

She goes on: “I was like, ‘There’s nothing wrong with me, I fancy guys.’ I kept on trying to fancy guys, but I knew that something wasn’t quite right.”

Ellen explains that she had a close female friend outside of the church and, eventually, “that was when the moment clicked”.

“I was like, ‘Oh my God, I really fancy you,'” she explains. “It was kind of more coming out to myself.”

Sadly, when she spoke to people within her church, they told her to go and speak to the pastor.

“I knew about conversion therapy because I had a friend who was trans, so I knew it was a bad thing,” she tells us. “So I just left the church.”

Unfortunately, when Ellen told her friend her feelings, “she flipped” and the friendship ended.

‘The thought of a penis repulsed me in a way that wasn’t normal’

However Ellen realised she was definitely attracted to women, but “there was something in me thinking, ‘I’ll just ignore it'”, even though, looking back, she recalled fancying teachers or other female figures in her childhood.

She laughs: “The thought of a penis sort of repulsed me in a way that wasn’t normal. I’m sure they’re all great!”

Ellen eventually came out to her dad in 2023, telling him she was bisexual. “I thought that would be less of a blow, but I was sure in my heart,” she said, speaking of realising she was gay.

Her dad was incredibly supportive, but she joked her mum found it “easier to digest” that she was going on Virgin Island than to hear her come out.

Ellen explains she identifies as gay or queer as it “feels more comfortable”.

After coming out, she had a relationship with a girlfriend that lasted around seven months, but they didn’t do anything sexual.

“I was very anxious to do anything,” she tells us. “I just thought, I can’t just come out later in life and be expected to know everything.

‘I was so disgusted with my body’

“It was difficult, because I really wanted to pursue the relationship and take my clothes off, but I was so disgusted with my body and how I was. I didn’t know how to go into the next stage of the relationship.”

She explains: “Going back a few years, I dated guys, and there was one guy who was the nicest guy in the world.”

But when she thought things were progressing to the bedroom, she broke up with him. “To this day I feel dreadful,” she says. “I did the common thing of, ‘It’s me, it’s all me, it’s nothing to do with you,’ and, actually, it was me. I was gay, and I didn’t fancy him. At the time, I didn’t know what was going on.”

She says her relationship with the woman was “so much easier”, but her insecurities led to her signing up for Virgin Island.

On the show, she says she grew close to participants Tegan and Millie, who are also part of the LGBTQ+ community. She explains she didn’t have much experience within the community, so was keen to gain some queer friends.

Knowing she wasn’t alone on the show, she says, helped her during the therapy sessions. On the show, participants go through a number of different types of workshops to build their confidence, help them get rid of anxiety and help them understand intimacy.

“The fact there was other people that were accepting of me was an added bonus,” Ellen says. “Everyone was really lovely. It’s amazing to hear from a different perspective now everyone’s stories, when they’re coming out and we’re watching it.”

‘Since coming out, I can just be me’

The show has seriously impacted Ellen in a good way, she tells us.

“I just feel like I don’t have to hide,” she says. “I just feel like I can be me, and I don’t have to try and fit myself into a box. It’s amazing. Since coming out, I can just be me.”

She says: “It’s just given me so much confidence, even in a social situation, just to approach people and chat to them.

“I can look in the mirror now and I don’t feel disgusted. I can have a bath – before I would just shower and try not to look at myself. I can look at other women and not feel like that’s a bad thing.”

She says: “At church, we were told even lust was a sin and you couldn’t look at someone that you liked. Well, how the heck are you supposed to find someone to talk to them, if you can’t look at someone and find them attractive?

‘I need everyone to wear a rainbow bracelet!’

“Even now, I’ll do things and I’m like, ‘Oh my God, that’s because of the show.’ It’s so amazing – the show, the therapy. People think they’re going there for sex, but people don’t see the outside. All the welfare team, the support around it, during and after.”

It also helped her realise dating women might not be as straight forward as she hoped. When she met Millie and Tegan, Tegan said she was “obviously” queer, but Ellen says it wasn’t obvious to her, as she didn’t have that experience within the community.

She laughs: “One of the reasons why I potentially haven’t met and had many dates with women, is because I can’t tell. I need everyone to wear a rainbow bracelet!”

Now though, things are looking up. She’s been going on walks with Dykes Who Hike, which is a group based in London.

“I turned up at Epping Forest for my first walk, and was like, ‘Oh, this is where all the dykes have been hiding all my life,” she says.

“The show’s given me the confidence in that respect to go out there and find my people.”

Virgin Island airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 9pm on Channel 4.

Share your thoughts! Let us know in the comments below, and remember to keep the conversation respectful.