NikkieTutorials diagnosed with PTSD after being blackmailed into coming out as trans

NikkieTutorials said fans had hurt innocent people by speculating about the person who threatened to out her as transgender

NikkieTutorials has revealed a doctor told her she has PTSD after she was forced to come out publicly to thwart a blackmail attempt.

The YouTube make-up guru, real name Nikkie de Jager, spoke to &C about still struggling with “dark days” after the ordeal, which prompted her to come out as transgender in January.

NikkieTutorials: All my symptoms point towards PTSD.

She said: “[How I feel now] depends on how I wake up. One day I’m insecure and I don’t dare to face the world, the other day I think: F**k it. It is mostly going well, but I still have dark days now and then.

“I went to the doctor because I have trouble sleeping. ‘You have a post-traumatic stress disorder,’ he concluded. ‘Well, well, we shouldn’t make it bigger than it is,’ I said. But still: All my symptoms indicate towards PTSD.

“All I can do is give myself time to give it a place, he said. So I try that, although it is still difficult at times.”

NikkieTutorials, real name Nikkie de Jager, is a presenter for the 2020 Eurovision Song Contest

NikkieTutorials, real name Nikkie de Jage

Make-up guru: My biggest fear was losing my channel for being trans.

The YouTuber said that she is not currently in therapy but is talking a lot with her mother and fiancé Dylan.

She said that she is “tired of myself” after months of public focus on her gender identity, adding: “Everything I said in my videos suddenly became a news item – even now. Jesus, it is all about me again.”

De Jager added of continuing her channel after coming out: “My biggest fear was that it would no longer be about my work, but about who I am. No longer about makeup, but about what used to hang between my legs.

“Fortunately, that turns out not to be the case. But I do get more personal questions than before, I still have to find a balance in that.”

Of the coronavirus lockdown, she added: “It is a bit of a switch to go from a very full to a very empty schedule. I haven’t had that in years.

“I should be in LA right now because I had won an award and was invited to the ceremony. But after the travel ban they said: we can no longer fly you in, so you have not won the award either.”