Man banned from lesbian wedding over ‘hypothetical’ zombie apocalypse plan

walking dead

A man has found himself banned from his lesbian cousin’s wedding after her fiancée took issue with his hypothetical zombie apocalypse plans for his cat.

The man posted on the sub-Reddit “Am I the A*shole”, where users can gauge whether they were in the wrong.

He explained that his cousin “Jane” recently invited him over to spend a day watching horror films and meet her girlfriend “Edith” for the first time.

After one film, they began discussing what they would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

“When asked what my plans would be I laughed and said that I would give up,” he wrote.

“Realistically, I couldn’t handle the zombie apocalypse – I have too much anxiety and health issues to even try.

“Jane asked me what I would do with my cat. I said that he wouldn’t be able to survive the zombie apocalypse at all, so I wouldn’t do anything with him. We would just stay in my house after barricading ourselves in.”

But Edith began to get upset, and asked: “What if someone else could take better care of him?” The man said responded: “They couldn’t, he’d be better just chilling with me, and he’d slow them down anyway”.

He explained in his post: “My cat would not have a hope in a zombie apocalypse, or any sort of apocalypse.

“He is, for lack of a better term, special needs. He only has half his teeth so he has to eat special food, and he has separation anxiety to the point where if I’m in the bathroom and he isn’t, he starts to have what is basically a panic attack.

“He has absolutely no reflexes and is horrible at chasing or catching things. These all count against his survival as a wild cat, or kept by others. I’d also like to have his company if I was locked inside my house forever.”

The next day, he received a text from his cousin Jane to say that Edith was still upset about his plans for the cat during a hypothetical zombie apocalypse.

A couple of months later, on a family Zoom call, Jane and Edith announced their engagement. During the call, however, Edith began making pointed comments about the man’s ability to look after his cat as he had recently lost his job.

Shortly afterwards, he wrote: “I learned that Edith doesn’t want me at her wedding.

“She is convinced that I wouldn’t give my cat a better life if I was unable to help him, and has apparently been telling her friends and family about it, and they agree that she is in the right for not wanting to be around me since I don’t want the best for my cat.

“She’s acting like I’m actively abusive to him. At first I was annoyed about all of this, and felt like she is really reading into things, but if she’s this upset I’m really starting to think I am in the wrong for my ‘plans’.”

Responding to his post, Reddit users agreed that the man was most definitely “not the a*shole”, and that “Edith is being bananaballs about this hypothetical situation”.

One person wrote: “I… what am I reading? Has Edith been in quarantine for too long? No, of course you’re not the a*shole for your hypothetical response to a hypothetical zombie apocalypse.

“Next she’ll be p**sed because you don’t want to bring your cat to Narnia.”

Another suggested a possible explanation: “I kinda think Edith wants your cat for some reason and hoped for answer like: ‘I can’t survive but I’d be happy if my cat would be with someone like you, oh my dear hero, Edith’. That girl is crazy AF.”