Olly Alexander shares journey of recovery from self-harm and eating disorders

Olly Alexander has opened up about his past experiences with, and recovery from, depression, self-harm and eating disorders, sharing that ‘it comes from a place of shame’.

Content Warning: This article discusses self-harm and eating disorders.

The former Years & Years frontman, 2024 Eurovision entrant for the UK and queer icon appeared on Pete Wicks’ Man Made, where he opened up about his upbringing and mental health journey.

Speaking about his school years, the It’s A Sin star revealed that the period was “chaotic”, and that along with coming to terms with his sexuality, he also had to deal with his parents divorcing when he was 13.

“I don’t think I managed it well because my parents split when I was 13. My house growing up was quite chaotic. There was a lot going on that wasn’t just me trying to figure out my sexuality and I hid this from my mum for a long, long time, but I was self-harming,” Alexander shared.

“I was cutting myself, I was bulimic for a long time. I had an eating disorder and I was giving myself an irregular heart. I was making myself ill basically from everything I was doing and I went to hospital with my mum and I had hidden everything from her for so long about how bad I was feeling and what I was doing to myself.”

The star continued that he “kept doing it … for a few years afterwards” until his early 20s “where [he] had a lot of harmful behaviours.”

The 34-year-old shared that it was his manager who told him that he should seek professional help, saying,”It wasn’t until I actually signed a record deal and my manager, she was like, ‘You should start seeing a therapist. You know, you’re about to sign a record deal. You can afford it.’

“So I started doing it and I was 23, 24 and I had just started getting myself in a better place, I think and now I still see the same therapist.”

Former TOWIE star Wicks then asked Alexander what had driven him to engage in self-harm and bulimia, an eating disorder characterised by self-induced vomiting after binging.

“It’s about trying to get some control back into your life because the feelings are so intense, I really hated myself,” he shared.

“The logic is completely topsy-turvy because you need to eat, right? It’s primary care. We all need to eat, survive. But if you start restricting that, or you’re purging, or you put this very strict routine on yourself, you feel like you’re putting control on your life, because my life was out of control.

“I think it was about me trying to order myself and also, you put yourself into this mindset of punishment, like I don’t deserve to feel good, I deserve to be punished. It’s weird. It’s a shame thing. It’s shame.

“If you feel there’s something inside you that you’re ashamed of and you don’t address that, it just grows and you start doing things… But it comes from that place of shame, I think.”

The “King” singer added, “I don’t always feel amazing but I feel I’ve been on a journey and I’m grateful for that journey and the foundation I have within myself is now really strong.”

Suicide is preventable. Readers in the UK who are affected by the issues raised in this story are encouraged to contact Samaritans on 116 123 (www.samaritans.org), or Mind on 0300 123 3393 (www.mind.org.uk). ​Readers in the US are encouraged to contact the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-8255.

If you’re worried about your own or someone else’s health, you can contact Beat during the week between 3pm and 8pm on 0808 801 0677 in England, 0808 801 0432 in Scotland, 0808 801 0433 in Wales, and 0808 801 0434 in Northern Ireland, or at beateatingdisorders.org.uk  

For readers in the US, the National Eating Disorders Association has collated a directory of national and regional support providers.

Pete Wicks’ Man Made is available wherever you get your podcasts.

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