How the kink community helped a HIV-positive man feel safe and accepted

The kink community is often looked down upon by outsiders, whether through ignorance or misinformation, but it can also be a place of safety for those that feel ostracised from the wider LGBTQ+ community, as explored in Monica Dhaka’s film Belonging & The Scene.

Dhaka is a London-based Indian visual artist, working with moving images and photography to tell visual stories. Her work is drawn to the negative stereotypes and stigma surrounding difficult topics and lesser-known communities. Her objective is to encourage conversations. by keeping human emotion and relatability at the heart of her work. Her practice does not offer answers – it provokes thought, holds discomfort, and creates space for honest conversation.

In Belonging & The Scene, Dutch Pup Momo shares how a friend found acceptance within the kink community, despite not necessarily sharing the same kinks.

Momo says: “A friend of mine, Mike, said, ‘Well, actually, I’m not kinky. I’m HIV-positive – undetectable, but HIV-positive.'”

He explains that when Mike says when he first got his diagnosis, he was “ostracised by almost everyone” he met.

Mike told Momo: “They felt threatened by me. The only community that did not push me away was the kink community.”

The conversation left Momo questioning what it was about his community that had made Mike feel safe, where others had not.

He says: “I think a great thing for the rest of the wider society to learn from is that, in the kink community, we inherently accept one another, we respect each other, even in the absence of understanding what our kinks are.

“I would say in wider society, it even compares to xenophobia in the modern world, where people often naturally have a fear of things that they don’t understand, or that are different.”

Momo says his community has an “unspoken understanding and respect” for each other, regardless of their interests.

Speaking of Mike, he adds: “There Mike found acceptance, even when people didn’t understand or didn’t relate – they didn’t feel threatened by him.”

Dhaka told PinkNews: “My experience working with the kink community was honestly really positive. As a first-time director, I feel I got very lucky with Momo. He was not only open about his own life and experiences, but he also helped me understand things that I may not have even known to ask.”

Momo goes on to reference the film Fifty Shades of Grey, which he says was a “bad representation” as, rather than showing safe practices, it was a “demonstration of an abusive relationship”.

“The fact that it went so mainstream makes us look like we practice that way and treat subs in this bad way without a care,” he says. “That was a very unfortunate outcome from a mainstream Hollywood film.”

Dhaka said: “It was important for him to say clearly that this is not what the community is really about. That stayed with me because it showed how much he cared about the community being represented honestly.”

She continued: “A lot of the work was actually shot in Momo’s home, so there was a lot of trust involved. The piece would not have been possible without that support. He shared so much archival material with me, his mother shared childhood footage, his friends shared moments from past events, and his friend Jack helped with the puppy play scene at the end.

“What moved me most was how welcoming everyone was. There was no judgement. People were kind, open, and willing to let me into their world. I think that is what people often miss from the outside. The community is not just about what people assume it is. It is also about friendship, care, acceptance, and finding a place where you can belong.”

Belonging & the Scene has won awards in the UK, USA and Australia, and has screened at more than 20 film festivals. It currently also has a rating of 9.6 on IMDb.

The film is currently not available on public platforms, as Dhaka is still sending it to film festivals, though the trailer is available on YouTube.

Additionally, anyone who would like to watch the full film can DM her on Instagram – @monicadhakaofficial – and she will happily share a private link to view it. After festival submissions are complete, it will be available on YouTube.

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