Dustin Lance Black is becoming ‘stay-at-home dad’ while Tom Daley trains for Olympics
Dustin Lance Black says he is taking a break from work, so his husband Tom Daley can return to diving.
Black, the writer between acclaimed LGBT projects Milk and When We Rise, welcomed son Robbie Ray in June alongside British diver Tom Daley.
The writer has said that he plans to become a “stay-at-home dad” to allow Daley to train for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics.
The pair spoke to BBC Radio 5 Live’s Afternoon Edition.
Black said: “Tom goes back into training in a week. From then until Tokyo, my work takes a little bit of a backseat, which is fine.”
Alluding to his husband’s rumoured retirement from the sport after 2020, he said: I’m a filmmaker, we don’t usually get good until we’re in our 50s, so I’ve got some time, but he’s an athlete!”
He added: “How lucky am I? My career allows that, I’m mostly behind a laptop and he sits beside me and provides inspiration and not a lot of critique.
The pair have not shared any public photos of their son.
They explained that they want to guarantee him privacy, away from the public eye.
Daley said: “We have not shown his face on any social media platform we plan to continue to do that.
“Mainly because there are so many members of our family yet to meet him. We want people to meet him in person first before they see him on social media.”
Black joked: “He’s so cute, he’s going to make every other parent in the world feel terrible, he’s so adorable, like why would we do that?
“Right now, the plan is to keep him completely private until he has some kind of say in the matter… until he has proper representation.”
The screenwriter also hit back at the UK’s surrogacy laws for failing to quickly recognise their parenthood.
He said: “Why is it that we’ve gone down this road, put in all this effort, the love, the time, the energy, and now have our son, we’ve been doing everything we can to be the very best parents we can be, and yet, according to the law, we are not his parents here? It doesn’t make any good sense, and it’s frankly, anti-family.”
Daley and Black have previously opened up about their decision to use a surrogate.
In a radio feature on their journey, Black said: “We have made a decision to move forward on this with full transparency, and if at all possible shed some light on what surrogacy really is, what gay parenting really is. If it makes it easier for others going forward, we will do that.”
The pair also spoke out to confirm some of the details about their child’s conception – revealing that they conceived the child via an egg donor using another woman, who has asked not to be named publicly, as a surrogate.
The pair also explained that they don’t know which of them is the child’s biological father, having both given sperm samples.
Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black said: “There’s no accidental children in this world. There’s no glass of wine, good night, and a baby nine months later. This has been off-and-on two and a half years [in the process].
“Try as we did and have, we just couldn’t get pregnant on our own! Every effort was made, let me tell you.”
Of the decision to use a surrogate, he said: “We have long debated how we build our family. I think part of it flows from… both of us have lost parents at an early age. That teaches you that there’s a connection to the past and the future when it comes to family. Children can help you connect to that.
“There’s just something for both of us, where we felt we’d like to complete that connection when creating our family and to have a biological connection to our past, to bring that into the present and let it grow into the future.
“At least for the first couple – I’ve said many times I’d like to look into adoption for the future, but that has its challenges as well, and is not an easy process for LGBT people in the world right now.”
Opening up about their choice of surrogate, Black added: “I’ve read a couple of the tweets and there’s some big misconceptions out there about what this process is.
“I’ve never heard of someone who does not know their surrogate, and doesn’t know them well. A part of the process is either choosing someone you know and love and have that relationship with… or you have to build a relationship like that.
“The women who are willing to do this and give this gift to couples who can’t have children – there is a love and a warmth and a generosity and a kindness that’s difficult not to fall in love with.
“We certainly have that with ours. We do love her very much.
“I don’t want to give too many details because she has asked not to be named publicly. We need to respect that, and I hope the press will respect that – but they become family.
“This is a person who we love and are incredibly grateful for.”
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