A murder mystery starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen would be the best thing to get us through lockdown

Mar 30 2020
Written by Josh Milton

Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart kiss on the red carpet and we are so full of emotion right now. (Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images)

So, you’ve already inhaled all your snacks and watched Tiger King on Netflix, what else is there to do during the coronavirus lockdown?

Petition, no, beg for this murder mystery show starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen to be made as soon as possible.

The pair have a well-documented and beloved bromance that spans more than 20 years, and Stewart and McKellen’s chemistry has them being a true light in this dark world since.

For the sake of signal-boosting, here is a Twitter thread that fantasy novelist ML Brennan posted last Thursday which describes, in glorious detail, a show starring the pair as “elderly widower neighbours who bicker a lot about their gardens”.

I think what I'd really like right now is a cozy British village murder mystery show where Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are elderly widower neighbors who bicker a lot about their gardens, and also solve crimes. And there's a super hot grandson who has to drive them around.

— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

Oh, and, by the way, they “also solve crimes.

“And there’s a super hot grandson who has to drive them around.”

This creation of this show is vital to the world at large, probably.

By reading this sub-heading you agree that this show starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen must be made.

Who would the grandson be? Top-tier twink Tom Holland? Douglas Booth, Theo James, or Taron Egerton?

The possibilities, dear reader, are endless.

In the winding thread, the author sketches out the scene of how an episode would run, with Henry Cavil, who is a human bicep, as the grandson.

And Lewis, who is Ian's grandson is played by, you know, let's say Henry Cavill.

And he shows up and is all, "I am supposed to be playing rugby with the lads, Granddad! How could you possibly have an urgent medical appointment right now?"

And Ian yells, "JUST DRIVE, LEWIS!"— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

At times a murderer will have to be apprehended.

Ian will shout, "LEWIS, TACKLE THAT MAN! HE STOLE MY PILLS!"

Henry Cavill tackles the murderer, and then, on the ground, says, "Wait, are you sure, Granddad?"

"Never mind that, Lewis. Check his pockets, you'll find arsenic."— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

The fun part of all of this (other than being a Patrick Stewart-Ian McKellen crime-solving garden-crabbing star vehicle) is that you could employ every British actor as either:
A: A Grandchild
B: A grumpy middle-aged child
C: An octogenarian friend
D: A villager
E: A murderer

— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

Love it. Definitely the loveable, yet completely brainless, optimistic at all times.

Hugh, "Say, I don't know what's to do with this, but my compost has been LOVELY this year! A few odd bones, though."

Patrick, "Of course! That's what happened to the body!"

Hugh, "Oh, I SAY!"

— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

And within minutes, countless seasoned writers furiously typed out what direction they’d take the show and it’s beautiful and if anyone from Netflix is reading this, you know what to do, buddy.

I like it. Tom Hiddleston is the at-home health aide sent by NHS who they are constantly ducking.— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 27, 2020

Love it. Definitely the loveable, yet completely brainless, optimistic at all times.

Hugh, "Say, I don't know what's to do with this, but my compost has been LOVELY this year! A few odd bones, though."

Patrick, "Of course! That's what happened to the body!"

Hugh, "Oh, I SAY!"— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 26, 2020

He also occasionally speaks in an execrable Cockney accent as a joke. But ALSO, keeps innocently dropping clues that allow them to piece together the murder. They think nothing of this, until the end, when they have Figured It Out but don't know how to prove it.— Louise Bates (@E_L_Bates) March 28, 2020

YES.

Olivia: "Dad, you really ought to have a nice lie-down."

Ian: "Of course, darling, of course, but could you just do one thing–"

*Olivia distracted, Ian races out to solve the mystery with Patrick. 20 minutes of cut scenes to Olivia flailing with a plant sprayer*— ML Brennan (@BrennanML) March 27, 2020