37 thoughts I had watching All Stars 8, JOAN: The Unauthorised Rusical! ‘I’m in a state of shock’

Drag Race All Stars 8‘s latest episode offers a truly gagworthy lipstick choice, an excellent addition into the Rusical Hall of Fame and a stunning Grace Jones runway.

Heidi N Closet left the competition last week of her own volition, forgoing her right to enter the Fame Games, and given that every variation of my predicted top four involved her, I’m shook – and so are the remaining girls.

This week’s episode, though, helps to lift the spirits; a suitably nuts Rusical in tribute to Joan Crawford is incredibly well executed by all the girls and a shock lipstick choice tops off what may be a turning point in how the girls play the game.

As we hit the season’s halfway mark, alliances start to crumble and tensions reach boiling point. As a wise drag queen once said: “I can’t wait to see how this turns out”

  • After a shock departure from fan fav Heidi N Closet last, the remaining seven queens are suitably shook the house down boots – but I’m sure a fair few are thinking about how convenient it is that a frontrunner decided to eliminate herself. I would be.
  • Every single lipstick has Kahanna’s name on it and she doesn’t seem that pressed, but again, I would be. If Kahanna doesn’t go next, I’m not sure who will!
  • Jimbo is fuming at losing three lipsyncs and I’m not going to lie, it’s made me like her so much more. Feel like Jimbo’s first Drag Race lip sync win is a storyline in the making.
  • The way Kandy Muse is running this Werk Room like a McDonald’s kitchen during rush hour. Directing conversation, threatening people with picking their lip sticks, vehemently denying Heidi’s betrayal claim last episode. It’s Kandy Muse’s Drag Race now.
  • The girlie girls re-enter the Werk Room to find that all the pictures in the room have been replaced with likenesses of legendary actress Joan Crawford. For those unfamiliar, think Alyssa Edwards’ All Stars 2 Snatch Game. That feels a very long time ago.
  • After the latest and most unhinged video message from Ru yet, the gworls find out that this week’s challenge is a Rusical – based on Joan Crawford!
  • Kandy reminds everyone that she nearly went home on season 13’s Rusical (not sure why) and Alexis says that this is her challenge (which means either a win or she’s getting the chop).
  • Jaymes Mansfield is still here.
  • Role assigning goes well apart from Kandy and Jessica vying for the same part. Kandy pulls a classic ‘I have no other option’ which is factually untrue, but the girls decide they both need to audition for the part Wire Hanger Joan.
  • It’s not… what’s the word? Good.
  • Kahnanna calling Kandy the Cookie Monster is wild – but she gets the role!
  • Something about this season of All Stars just isn’t doing it for me. Not sure what it is, but with Heidi’s departure I don’t feel like there’s that much point in tuning back in – Jimbo’s already won three out of five episodes, so I can’t see anyone else winning at this point.
  • Leland, who is producing the queens’ live singing tracks, looks like a cute gay Fred from Scooby-Doo though.
  • There are the classic Drag Race beats of some queens nailing the vocal walkthrough (Alexis, Jaymes) and some less so – Jessica, for example, keeps saying: “Bring me the ass” instead of “axe” which, like… fair enough.
  • Choreo time! Adam Shankman, who literally directed Hairspray, is putting these queens through their paces. Jimbo and Jaymes have seven left feet (each) and Jessica Wild turns the party with the role she didn’t want.
  • Kandy, on the other hand, struggles with the role she did want – interesting…
  • The Werk Room is insanity. It’s great telly. It’s also what I imagine the inside of Alyssa Edwards’s brain to look like.
  • Politely, what the f**k is RuPaul wearing. She looks like an Atlantean condom.
  • Let’s get into JOAN: The Unauthorised Rusical!
  • Opening number is strong and then Kahanna as 1920 Joan is very good! A few line flubs here and there but I think I’m a Kahanna stan. Cuts to Alexis and Jimbo background are a fun signpost of where production are going this ep.
  • Jaymes is suitable creepy as Mommie Dearest and then it’s Kandy Muse with the wire hangers number that goes very well. Kind of a banger to be honest.
  • Jessica goes Wild with her rock number and manages to say ‘axe’ instead of ‘ass’, so that’s great.
  • Lala Ri is taking me out as vogue Joan. Drag Race is so dumb sometimes.
  • Alexis Michelle, greatest broadway actress of our time, enters the set and immediately p**ses all over the competition. If she doesn’t win then RuPaul has a personal vendetta against Alexis’s pysche.
  • Honestly, what a stellar musical.
  • Category is Night of a 1000 Grace Jones and I can’t WAIT.
  • Kahanna completely burns the runway, as expected, Jaymes looks cute and Kandy’s outfit is great.
  • We’ve reached the point where all these queens (I think) outsource to designers anyway, so every single outfit is just stellar.
  • Lala Ri makes me PEE.
  • I have no idea where all these placements are going. There’s no way the judges are serious.
  • I’m honestly so confused. Kandy wins – and she was great – but Alexis was so good?
  • Kahanna and Jaymes are the bottom two, so presumably Kahanna’s the next to go. And if I said that Jaymes was thrown into the bottom to safe another (Canadian) girl, then what?

You may like to watch

  • Angeria Paris VanMichaels is the Lip Sync Assassin! Missed her, and her very vacant look into the far distance as RuPaul explains the rules.
  • Kandy wins the lip sync, meaning that it’s her decision that counts.
  • Bizarre. I’m in a state of shock. And it looks like, from the next episode’s preview, the chaos will only continue.

All Stars 8 episode six is available to stream now on WoW Presents Plus.

All the queens’ Fame Game runways so far are available here.

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