Ranking 9-1-1 characters by how much fun they’d be at a gay bar

Feb 27
Written by Poppy-Jay St. Palmer

Which of the gang would be the most fun at a gay bar? (Fox/ABC/Canva)

With just one week to go until 9-1-1 returns to our screens for the second half of season eight, we can’t help but wonder: which of the 118 and friends would be the most fun at a gay bar?

We’ve ranked them, in descending order, with details on how we imagine your night with them might go.

13. Christopher Diaz

He’s a child, so obviously he wouldn’t be allowed into a gay bar but we felt bad excluding him. He’d probably be the treasurer for his high school Gay Straight Alliance though.

Christopher Diaz with a nightclub background — Sorry, Christopher, there’s no way you’re getting past that burly bouncer. (ABC/Canva)

12. Athena Grant-Nash

With her house as the venue for some of the 118’s best parties, Athena can certainly cut loose. Sgt Grant-Nash of the LAPD, on the other hand, is always waiting for you to put a toe out of line. How much fun can you actually have with the cop who has held the record for station arrests for 104 consecutive months?

Athena Grant with a nightclub background — Don’t put a toe out of line in front of Athena unless you want a night in the cells. (ABC/Canva)

11. Josh Russo

Josh is a great floor manager and an even better dispatcher but you just know he’d be a nightmare the moment he got a cocktail in his hands. We don’t know much about his life outside Metro Dispatch besides the fact that he’s chronically single and spends most of his time either at work or complaining that he’s always at work. He wouldn’t be able to shut up about whoever irked him last, which would get old very quickly. We get it, Josh, you hate Eddie Diaz. Move on already.

Josh Russo with a nightclub background — Josh seems like he’d be a nightmare when drunk. (ABC/Canva)

10. Eddie Diaz

Eddie in a gay bar would go one of two ways: he’d either tear up the dancefloor and find himself the centre of attention, thanks to his smooth moves and (sometimes) very handsome moustache, or he’d be the group’s biggest liability. He’d panic and make you Uber with him to a cardiologist, accidentally ingest some hallucinogens and make you Uber with him to the ER, or disappear into the night and you wouldn’t see or hear from him again until your next shift together. And he’d never tell you what happened, either.

Eddie Diaz with a nightclub background — Eddie might not always be that steady. (ABC/Canva)

9. Hen Wilson

Hen can party with the best of them but nights out – at a gay bar or otherwise – are a thing of the past for her. She’s been there, done that and now she’s tired. Saving lives by day, parenting kids by night, and cramming notoriously difficult extra-curricular activities into whatever time is left over, comes at a cost. And that cost is FOMO, but at least she has time to sleep. She’s at the bar for two drinks tops, then she’s dipping out at the first opportunity.

Hen Wilson with a nightclub background — Hen would rather be home in bed watching reality TV. (ABC/Canva)

8. Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley

When it comes to nights out, Buck is down to clown. He’d keep the drinks/poppers flowing, partake in a cheeky bit of cage dancing if it’s that kind of bar, and enchant more than a handful of people into slipping him their numbers, whether he asked for them or not. However, he’d also be the one Ubering with Eddie to the hospital, so don’t expect to be going home with him. He’s the type of guy who’s here for a good time but not always a long time.

Evan 'Buck' Buckley with a nightclub background — Buck would attract a lot of attention… but then duck out. (ABC/Canva)

7. Maddie Buckley-Han

Maddie is slap-bang in the middle of the list for a reason: she’d be amazing fun in a gay bar but she’d toe the line between “boots the house down, yass mama, pussy puss slay” and “annoying straight woman at a hen-do”. It depends on the day. Her karaoke rendition of “Good Luck Babe” would be incredible but one too many mimosas would have her dancing on the tables and crying in the toilets while you’re trying to make out with the hot butch you just met at the bar.

Maddie Buckley-Han with a nightclub background — We think Maddie would be a lightweight who insists she isn’t. (ABC/Canva)

6. May Grant

Still in her prime partying years, May would be an absolute hoot at the gay bar. The only problem is that she’s way too cool for the kind of people who use the word “hoot”. You would think you were in there with the in-crowd but then she’d ditch you for her younger friends. She’d tell you all about it over coffee the next day, filling in the gaps you missed while experiencing the night through her IG stories but she’d sigh and say something unintentionally cutting such as: “You really had to be there…” We were there, May, but you ditched us!

May Grant with a nightclub background — We were there, she was there. But it might not have seemed that way. (ABC/Fox/Canva)

5. Bobby Nash

You don’t have to drink at the gay bar to have a good time. Bobby would go for the allyship and stay to be the dad friend who’s making sure everyone’s enjoying themselves. You’d drunkenly spill your guts to him in the toilets, knowing he’d listen, not judge, and offer incredible but subtle advice. Even though he’s not partaking, the shots are still on him, and he’d even help you into a taxi at the end of the night and make you promise to text him so he knows you got home safely.

Bobby Nash with a nightclub background — Bobby may be teetotal but he’s also a total legend. (ABC/Canva)

4. Howie ‘Chimney’ Han

How we long to party with Chim. As an experienced bar bus boy/karaoke MC, you know he’s got some stories to tell. This isn’t his first gay bar: you don’t go through life with two lesbian best friends and Maddie Buckley as a lover without attending your fair share of queer raves and drag brunches. So, he’d be the perfect respectable ally while ensuring the party doesn’t take a turn into heteroville. And if he ended up sharing that he’d experimented a little in college, we would not be surprised.

Chimney Han with a nightclub background — Just wait until you find out why they call him Chimney. (ABC/Canva)

3. Ravi Panikkar

Another member of the gang still in his prime, Ravi seems the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose. He’s funny, kind and absolutely stunning, so we know he’d also be leaving the bar in the early hours with a few extra numbers in his contacts and maybe even someone on his arm. He’d show up to work hungover and grumpy but it would have been worth it. The only downside is he would corner you at some point during the night to try to convince you to rent one of his condos.

Ravi Panikkar with a nightclub background — We wouldn’t mind Ravi (land)lording over us. (ABC/Fox/Canva)

2. Sue Blevins

We’ve not seen hide or hair of Sue Blevins since season seven but she’s made it on to the list simply because we can assume with almost complete certainty that she would be really fun. It’s just her vibe. She’d keep it classy and demure while entertaining the rapidly growing group in the smoking area with stories from her years at dispatch. She would always have a Tom Collins in her manicured hand and everyone would be calling her mother.

Sue Blevins with a nightclub background — Sue raising a dispatch floor full of kids? That’s mother. (ABC/Fox/Canva)

1. Karen Wilson

There is no way in hell that a lesbian rocket scientist played by Broadway’s Tracie Thoms would be anything but phenomenal fun at a gay bar. One minute she’d be behind the bar mixing cocktails (having charmed the staff, of course), and the next she’d be performing an electrifying duet of “Take Me or Leave Me”, from Rent, with a drag queen. She’d round the night off by breaking hearts when she informs her many admirers that she is, in fact, taken (by her firefighter wife who left hours ago to get some sleep).