Richard Coles says he regrets being ‘so angry’ during late partner’s alcoholism
Rev Richard Coles and his late civil partner Rev David Coles. (Richard Coles)
Reverend Richard Coles has spoken about the strain of his late partner David Oldham’s alcoholism, saying he regrets the anger he felt while trying to support him.
Appearing on the White Wine Question Time podcast, the Church of England priest and broadcaster said: “I wish I hadn’t been so angry with him because he was already feeling bad enough without me being angry with him.”
Oldham died in 2019 from alcohol-related liver disease aged 43. Coles, 64, said living with addiction can leave partners feeling powerless, explaining that he “couldn’t stop it” and “couldn’t understand” why Oldham was doing it “to himself” and “to us”.
‘I wasn’t going to leave him’
Coles, who was in a civil partnership with Oldham for nine years, said he had “one rule” during his husband’s illness, “which is that I wasn’t going to leave him,” he said.
He has spoken publicly before about the impact of addiction on their life together. In 2021, he said Oldham used alcohol as an “anaesthetic” when life was difficult, before his drinking worsened over time.
Coles also spoke about how grief still sits alongside everyday life. “I still say his name out loud now sometimes,” he said, adding that he does not want to “lose the loss”.
Dickie Cant and living with grief
Coles said he is now in a relationship with actor Richard “Dickie” Cant, 62, and that they have been together for four years after meeting on a dating app. Cant has appeared in Netflix’s The Crown and Channel 4’s It’s A Sin.
“One of the things I love about Dickie, my new partner, is that he’s very respectful of the loss around which I live my life,” Coles said. “And he also knows [the loss] is not his, but it’s mine. That’s very good that he understands that and respects that. But then he’s a very understanding and respectful person.”
Coles said: “Life’s great now.” He went on to say he is “really enjoying” his sixties and has “a new partner who’s fantastic”.
Coles also said the couple, who share a home in East Sussex, have been discussing getting a dog. “I want a corgi. I want a Cardigan Welsh corgi, not the Queen’s corgi, but the kind of working corgi,” he said.
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