‘If the M&S trans ‘row’ has taught us anything, its that it’s time to stop taking TERF bigotry so seriously’

A few months ago, whilst queuing at the bank, I overheard an elderly woman complain to a clerk that the COVID-19 vaccine had caused her hair to fall out.

I live in a relatively conservative, rural town, so overhearing conspiracy theories isn’t unheard of. This particular woman’s tirade on how vaccinations are the devil’s work, however, has since stuck with me, largely because, after loudly expressing her less-than-evidential theory, she turned to the line of disgruntled and bored adults seeking approval for her clearly false proclamation.

Her hope that a queue of people who would love to be literally anywhere else at that moment would suddenly jump to her rescue, punctuated through her strained smile and wide, unblinking eyes, didn’t pay off.

She was met with silence and awkward glances as she made one last-ditch effort to convince her unwilling audience that vaccines are poison that yellows your teeth and alters your DNA, before shuffling out of the bank in bitter defeat.

Thankfully, we live in a reasonable society where the spurious opinions of a misinformed conspiracy theorist are disregarded as the quackery they are – except we don’t, because similar conspiracy theorists have just caused an international retailer to grovel on its hands and knees for forgiveness.

Earlier this week, the Telegraph reported that a mother and her 14-year-old daughter had entered a local Marks & Spencer to book a bra fitting when – brace yourself here – an employee approached them in the lingerie section asking if they needed assistance.

If you’re wondering why an otherwise mundane interaction attracted the attention of a venerable, 169-year-old news publication, it’s because the mother believed that the M&S employee was trans on account of their height.

According to a complaint issued by the mother, the shop assistant, whom she branded a “biological male,” dared to politely ask the pair whether they needed help locating the bra fitting section of the shop.

The employee didn’t offer to perform the bra fitting, nor did they suggest they would be involved in the fitting at all. They did that thing shop assistants are employed to do: ask if they can help you.

The story sparked waves of social media hysteria that was extreme even for the chronically-online ‘gender-critical’ crowd, who aren’t exactly known for keeping their opinions to themselves.

Trans-exclusionary naysayers are now demanding that M&S ban all trans employees from speaking to teenagers or else face a boycott.

M&S arguably should have just ignored the anti-trans brou ha ha – after all, TERFs have actually vowed to boycott M&S multiple times and seemingly forgotten – except that Marks & Spencer has now set the bar for unnecessary cowardice in the face of bigotry by apologising to the mother and her daughter over the “horror” of having to encounter a trans person.

This has done two things: firstly, it has emboldened TERF activists to keep hounding M&S officials and employees until they cave even further to their ridiculous demands. Secondly, it legitimises a frankly horrible precedent that seeing a trans person in public is somehow a thing worth apologising for – Well done, Marks & Spencer.

‘It’s put up or shut up time’

Let’s be very, incredibly crystal clear here – if you are, or have ever been, offended because a trans person has walked past you or, shock horror, spoken to you, you are a bigot. If you have “concerns” based entirely on their identity and nothing else, you are bigoted. You hold bigoted beliefs, and you are being a bigot.

I don’t give a damn who you are; you cannot reasonably expect to enter a public area without the possibility of encountering or passing by a trans person. You have never had that luxury. No one reading this has outlived transness, and try as you might to pretend you can clock us, you’re not that good – yes, even you.

I’d be willing to bet most reasonable people agree this is the case, and that an expectation otherwise is not just bigoted, it’s irrational and, quite frankly, stupid. So why then is it a belief that M&S believes is legitimate enough to offer exceptional circumstances to accommodate?

Why is transphobia something that institutions feel they have to cater to?

Should my bank apologise to that conspiratorial elderly woman? Should we start separating clerks between pro-vaccine and anti-vaccine? What about homophobes who don’t want to see any queer people in the stores they enter? Misogynists who hate seeing women outside of the kitchen? To anyone who says it’s different with trans people because of some ‘toxic national debate’ – congratulations, you’re a bigot.

It’s about time we treat trans-exclusionary beliefs with the same sincerity as anti-vaccine ramblings or racist conspiratorial spouting. It’s about time institutions, businesses, and public bodies in this country grow a backbone and stop catering to these beliefs as though they are common or legitimate. There is no debate, there is no grey area, it’s put up or shut up time.

Oh, and a message to M&S: you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Your customer service staff cannot brazenly declare that trans women aren’t women while you simultaneously claim to be an “inclusive and welcoming” place. Write as many statements as you want; either you condemn the response, or your business is not LGBTQ+ friendly.