Man throws his own penis at police

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What’s worse than having your penis cut off?

Having your penis cut off then being stunned by a police taser, perhaps?

Jakub Fik knows all about that particular brand of misery. Distraught over an argument with his girlfriend, Mr Fik went on a rampage through the streets of Chicago, smashing car windows and breaking into houses. When police caught up with him he cut off his penis, threw it at an officer, and, for good measure, threw the knife at him as well.

Ssergeant Edward Dolan of the 16th District said: “We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own.”

Not content with a missile total of one penis and one knife, Fik ran back into the house, and emerged with a handful of kitchen gadgets, said Mr Dolan. The officer managed to sneak to the side of the house and stun Mr Fik with the taser while he was understandably distracted.

Mr Fik was taken to the Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where his penis was reattached. Though not a common surgery, Dr Greg Bales said that “As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good.”

Mr Fik has been charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property.