How to be an “A” list gay- according to the Sunday Times

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The Sunday Times, the long-time bastion for middle class home counties readers, has produced its own guide to being a gay celebrity in 2006.

It claims that the gay glitterati can be split into three camps, the “Business A lists”, the “Party A lists” and the “Hip A lists”.

Surprisingly, they didn’t include reading as being a characteristic of the “Business A lists.” The most recent internal survey of access statistics for the website found that over 8% of readers of work as either civil servants or as policy advisers to political parties. And that over 30% of readers access us from their work computers at blue chip companies.

From the Sunday Times:

Characteristics of the Business A list

Knows Alan Duncan

Has slept with Ivan Massow

Kelly Clarkson Recognises her on MTV Hits

Is on first-name terms with The assistants at Gieves Hawkes

Madonna Bought Confessions on a Dancefloor

Reads Matthew Parris

Celebrity Big Brother- voted for Rula Lenska

Dirty pleasure- Alan Sugar

Likes Liberty-print boxers; Saturday afternoons at Borough market; holidays in Bhutan with long term b/f and colleagues; Will Young; Creme de la Mer Love and marriage Secretly wants children and is having a civil partnership with reception at Claridge’s; invites will be Smythson and the grooms will be dressed in Prada

Who Brian Paddick, Waheed Ali, Andrew Sullivan, Charlie Parsons, Guy Black

Characteristics of the Party A list

Knows Janet Street-Porter

Has slept with Matthew Williamson

Kelly Clarkson Loves her

Is on first-name terms with The doormen at the Shadow Lounge

Madonna Bought Hung Up (the remixes)

Celebrity Big Brother- Voted for Michael Barrymore

Dirty pleasure- Mark from Westlife

Likes Acid-pink American Apparel briefs; Sunday afternoons at Spitalfields market; holidaying in Ibiza with the Pet Shop Boys; Scissor Sisters; Botox Love and marriage Is secretly relieved he doesn’t have to have children, but is still smarting from not being invited to Elton’s wedding

Who Patrick Cox, Matt Lucas, David Collins, Jasper Conran, Jeremy Sheffield, Kim Jones

Characteristics of the Hip A list

Knows Wolfgang Tillmans

Has slept with Terry Richardson’s assistant (“First assistant!”)

Kelly Clarkson Is at the advanced stages of that deadly earnest Kelly-is-the-new-Kylie diatribe

Is on first-name terms with The buyers at B Store

Madonna Hates anything after the first album

Celebrity Big Brother- Hates all reality TV (voted for Pete Burns without telling anyone)

Dirty pleasure- Shayne from the X Factor

Likes Bernard Wilhelm Y-fronts; Monday afternoons at Dover Street Market; doing Antwerp for the shopping; Antony and the Johnsons; Raf Simons

Love and marriage Is in long-term therapy to erase deeply held resentment brought on by torment of own childhood in small Northern/Scottish village with non verbal parents

Who Roland Mouret, Gareth Pugh, Guido Palau, Johnny Woo, Alexander McQueen, Gilbert George