“Mattress munching”, is Superman gay?

PinkNews logo on pink background with rainbow corners.

For columnist, Joe Hildebrand of the Daily Telegraph in Australia, the old “Superman is gay” chestnut has been an inspiration for journalistic hilarity.

Could it possibly be the case that the “Man of Steel was perhaps more the Man of Teal”? Mr Hildebrand wonders, with a nice ear for the rhyme there.

Next evidence for the prosecution is considered, and cleverly rebutted; “All I know is that just because Superman enjoys taking his clothes off in phone booths, there’s no reason to think he enjoys herbal tea any more than the rest of us,” the writer muses. Good to have that cleared up then.

“Enough with this silliness. If gay people want a superhero as an icon they should look elsewhere. I don’t want to name names but you could probably start with Aquaman.”

He goes on to deliver the conclusive blow, “when it comes to mattress, the son of Krypton ain’t munching”.

“The truth is that Superman is just a really nice guy and it’s a sad indictment that these days you can’t go around being polite to ladies and rescuing kittens without people questioning which side of the pants you hang on.”

But Mr Hildebrand isn’t finished insulting minority groups yet …

“Speaking of gay people, my house mate Bryon recently came back from overseas.

He had been visiting eastern Europe in an effort to find a country as miserable as he was. Turns out it was Estonia.

“To be honest Bryon is not really gay – although he is Jewish. Neither of these facts are relevant though and I don’t know why people can’t just get over it.”