RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 finale: Can we get serious about that result?

Monet lip-syncing

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 finished with a flourish that floored the fans. Was your super-queero crowned?

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 10—Super Queens finale: the verdict

How much Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent was Episode 10 packing?

Overall: C.U.N.

Lewks: C.U.N.t

RuPaul wears a homemade gown

RuPaul’s arts and crafts race. (World of Wonder/VH1l)

I’m not including Ru in this rating. That dress was a tacky last minute stitching together of stars—just like the crowning.

But the others were a real wonder, woman.

Naomi Smalls did not get the praise she deserved (standing ovation, crown and a hundred thousand dollars) for that dress.

Monet X Change served her best lewk of all time, and only Villanelle can beat a face like Monique Heart.

Trinity the Tuck’s look couldn’t be faulted, although it definitely wasn’t my “all time favourite”—bit of a reach that, Michelle.

RuPaul's Drag Race winner Monet X Change

Throw away that receipt because you won’t want to Monet X Change this look. (World of Wonder/VH1l)

Challenge: C.U.n

OK, let’s talk about that song.

It collapsed in on itself. Monet proved that a slow tempo can be the source of a powerful performance, but—frankly—the other three showed just how easily it can drain it.

And it was nigh on impossible to get four distinct, memorable performances through all that smoke and autotune.

It all meshed into mediocrity.

The RuPaul's Drag Race finale was thick with smoke

Not much could penetrate this Drag Race fog. (World of Wonder/VH1l)

But, that being said, this is always the most entertaining challenge, and while it may not have lived up to previous seasons it was still a scream to watch.

Drag Race All Stars 4 episode 10: y’all wanted a twist?

The fact that the big twist was that there was no twist? Genius.

Congrats, Drag Race, you saw off the spoilers and played the fandom—including me—for fools.

We didn’t get a jury as divisive as a referendum with all the accuracy of the Electoral College.

We didn’t leave the previous winners open to years of hate mail by making them choose the victor.

We were done with democracy and skipped straight over geniocracy to go right back to good old fashioned dictatorship.

Ru—sort of—just made a decision. And doesn’t that feel good?

RuPauls Drag Race All Stars 2 winner Alaska

“Team Katya” Alaska—unshackled by the burden of having to choose—was free to troll the haters. (World of Wonder/VH1)

Drag Race All Stars 4 episode 10: the bottoms

This was hard because these two are probably my favourite queens of all time.

Monique Heart: Queen of the glo-up

RuPaul's Drag Race finalist Monique Heart

Monique Heart, my queen. (World of Wonder/VH1)

I’ve been #TeamMonique since the off, but—all tea—I didn’t disagree with any of her critiques tonight.

She was lacklustre in the challenge, and the look was on brand but just not that grand.

But—and it’s a big butt—she will always reign supreme in the ho-up.

And I’m not talking about her rise from finishing eighth to coming back a few weeks later as a finalist.

I’m talking about going from a THREE HUNDRED POUND—21 stone—LEADER OF AN EX GAY MINISTRY to queen of queers, America, and my goddamn heart.

Jesus Christ Superstar.

Naomi Smalls: Queen that ticks all the boxes

RuPaul's Drag Race finalist Naomi Smalls

Naomi brings it to you every episode. (World of Wonder/VH1)

I mean, first Naomi came for Manila’s legacy.

And then the judges exacted their revenge on Luzon’s behalf.

Carson: “I’m still mad she eliminated Manila”—for executing the producers’ wet dreams? Really?

I get it, a lot of you were glad she got her comeuppance.

But let’s not lie, there is no way Naomi does not tick every box.

You can’t just filter her time down to “Prince”—she pissed all over every challenge as well as every runway.

She’s sweet, but psycho, and will ditch the competition to check out trade—that’s what I call perspective.

I have never in my life stanned a queen like this.

All hail.

Drag Race All Stars 4 finale: the tops

Lip sync, lip sink, or split lip?

Split lip, bish.

RuPaul's Drag Race finalist Monet X Change

Monet is a fighter. (World of Wonder/VH1)

Ain’t no amount of editing gonna tell me Trinity came close to Monet there.

While props go to Trinity for not doing an obvious reveal, she didn’t exactly do much else, apart from pull moves we’ve seen a thousand times before.

But Monet gave her best performance since “Pound the Alarm.”

She also included that rarest of gifts—an unexpected, funny and referential Ru-veal which, best of all, was used as the cherry on top of a magnetic performance, rather than being the crux.

That result

I’m happy with it.

Yes, Monet really did win the final challenge and lip-sync, but y’all wanted Trinity and y’all got her. And it’s not like she didn’t earn it during the season.

But—on a more serious note—a part of me is relieved Monet wasn’t the sole winner, because I think the fandom could have turned super problematic and made Trinity out to be some white martyr.

We’ve seen some seriously hateful stuff coming from this fandom. No-one should have to deal with that, least of all a champion like Monet.

If it looked like Drag Race was scared to pick a winner, maybe that’s down to the fans’ toxicity—not the show.

It’s a fabulously silly show that I love, but we’d all do well to remember it has more interest in creating great TV than rewarding great talent.

Which brings me to…

Drag Race All Stars 4 episode 10: edit of the millennia

They didn’t even film a joint ending.

Seriously. They famously filmed a Bianca-Adore win—much to Courtney’s pleasure—in Season 6, but they were clearly were not anticipating one this time.

RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 4 joint winners Monet X Change and Trinity the Tuck

The hastily edited winners of All Stars 4. (World of Wonder/VH1)

And that editing was some Chris Grayling level of buffoonery.

When Ru announced the result it felt like it was coming from another dimension, and there wasn’t one shot of the two winners together.

Who were they really planning to crown? Was it Monet before they saw her polling, or was it Trinity until they realised they couldn’t edit her to win that final week?

I don’t know. And I don’t care.

It’s just another reminder that the main character of RuPaul’s Drag Race isn’t RuPaul, it isn’t even a drag queen—it’s the edit.

See you soon—February 28, to be exact.