Nico Tortorella: Non-binary folks should go to women’s events

Non-binary actor Nico Tortorella onstage during panel at the 2018 Glamour Women Of The Year Summit: Women Rise at Spring Studios on November 11, 2018 in New York City

Non-binary actor Nico Tortorella has justified attending Glamour magazine‘s Women of the Year summit in an emotional call to break down the gender binary.

After appearing on a panel at the November 11 event in New York City, the bisexual Younger star wrote on Instagram the next day (November 12) about “how important it is for someone who looks like me, with my non-binary identity, to occupy and leverage predominantly cis female-bodied spaces.”

They urged their followers to “find a way of addressing the discrimination faced by women without upholding the gender binary,” which they said was a way of “making us feel as if femininity and masculinity have to be distinct and opposing.”

Nico Tortorella on Instagram

Nico Tortorella said when they are invited to women’s events, “I find myself spiralling” (nicotortorella/instagram)

Tortorella’s non-binary identity leaves them conflicted

Tortorella, who was on the panel with model Ashley Graham, transgender Pose actor Indya Moore, comedian Phoebe Robinson and bisexual Arrested Development star Alia Shawkat, said they always think “Why me?” when invited to female events.

“I find myself spiralling,” said the Scream 4 actor, “thinking and feeling the depths of my own gender and queer identity—thinking about what it would feel like to be someone who looks like me up there talking to someone who looks like them.”

“Find a way of addressing the discrimination faced by women without upholding the gender binary.”

— Nico Tortorella

But Tortorella said that the “graceful powerhouse women” they were surrounded by at the event had made them realise they belonged.

Non-binary star Nico Tortorella with Alia Shawkat, Phoebe Robinson, Ashley Graham and Indya Moore

Non-binary star Nico Tortorella with his fellow panellists (Astrid Stawiarz/Getty)

“I am feminine,” wrote the 30-year-old star. “I am masculine. You are feminine. You are masculine. All to varying degrees. The critical balance of the two has been philosophised since the beginning of time.

“Queer rights, and trans rights, are inherently women’s rights. MASCULINE AND FEMININE RIGHTS,” they continued.

“The more we feed into the binary the more divided we become. The sooner we all band together… Women, men, and everyone in between to not fight this issue but correct the imbalance, the sooner we will have some love-based social order in this world.”

Tortorella has long been a non-binary activist

Tortorella married their non-binary, bisexual partner Bethany Meyers earlier this year, more than a decade into their polyamorous relationship, in a wedding the pair described as “genderbending,” “androgynous” and “fluid.”

Musician Bethany Meyers and fiance US actor Nico Tortorella attend the 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall on August 20, 2018 in New York City. (Photo by ANGELA WEISS / AFP) (Photo credit should read ANGELA WEISS/AFP/Getty Images)

Bethany Meyers and Nico Tortorella have both opened up about being bisexual (ANGELA WEISS/AFP/Getty)

They took the opportunity to speak out about their relationship as “twin flames,” in which they said “we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend, no friends, and all friends.”

Tortorella added: “We’ve been straight, confused, fluid, queer, bi, poly, gender enthusiasts,” before emphasising that “in this relationship, we both wear the pants and the dress.”

And Meyers added that when it came to her and her spouse, “gender roles have never been our thing.”