RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 episode 9: Worse than balls

RuPaul's Drag Race Sex and the Kitty Girl

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 was not kitten around with Sex and the Kitty Girl, but the result was un-fur-tunate.

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 9—Sex and the Kitty Girl: the verdict

How much Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent was Episode 9 packing?

Overall: C.u

A bad acting challenge, unfair script and Latrice Royale going home after wearing a gown. Deja ru, anyone?

Is this really the best the cat can drag in for the final challenge? Mew better work harder than that.

RuPaul's Drag Race queen Manila Luzon

Me when I heard it was another acting challenge. (World of Wonder/VH1)

Challenge: c

I’ve never seen a single episode of Sex and the City, but luckily Sex and the Kitty Girl is here to reassure me I haven’t missed out one bit.

What a boot of a final challenge—where are the balls? Make like a Tory MP and get me some BALLS.

Because watching drag queens act—a craft we see performed by the best every day—just isn’t that interesting to watch.

Why can’t we watch them in something they do best? A ball would have been perfect here, highlighting creativity, fashion, design, being fierce, and ball-related puns. The dream, basically.

But stepping out of the characters we love and into some terribly written ones we don’t, it’s just balls.

At first I was amewsed by all the rock-paper-scissors drama—even if I was a bit disappointed Naomi Smalls didn’t go the whole Gia and just assign them terrible parts—but actually, it was legit.

The script decided who won.

I’m just surprised they didn’t all want to play the part, but I guess that wouldn’t have been Kim possible.

Lewks: C.U.N

Category is: Kitty Cat Couture

5th place

RuPaul's Drag Race queen Latrice Royale

Me-owch, Latrice’s runway is a Drag Race cat-astrophe (World of Wonder/VH1)

Did Latrice think the theme was cats in vehicles? Because that gown looked more like a car-pet.

4th place

RuPaul's Drag Race kitten Trinity the Tuck

Trinity’s copycat look on Drag Race. (World of Wonder/VH1)

Trinity the Tuck’s outfit felt like a more basic copycat of Monique’s runway. It served cat, but only because it was firmly inside the box.

3rd place

RuPaul's Drag Race star Monet X Change

Meow-ch. Monet’s Pink Panther runway for Drag Race (World of Wonder/VH1)

If Trinity’s cat fell into a chip oven and was scarred beyond recognition it would look like Monet X Change’s pussy. Meow-ch. But don’t call the vet yet because I’m still feline the look.

2rd place

RuPaul's Drag Race feline Monique Heart

Puss in toot! Monique Heart wears the boots on Drag Race. (World of Wonder/VH1)

A total puss in toot! Monique Heart was giving some Nina Bonina Brown at her best (and I mean that as a compliment).

1st place (joint)

RuPaul's Drag Race icon Naomi Smalls

Naomi’s claw-ver couture on Drag Race. (World of Wonder/VH1)

You know you’ve done well when RuPaul stops the puns to yell “10s across the board.”

Claw-ver couture, serving story and fashion. Purr-fect.

1st place (joint)

Think of the paw-sibility. Fur-midable queen.

Drag Race All Stars 4 episode 9: has the game changed forever?

Fur-real, though. We’ve always known that—hypothetically—the strongest could be taken out, but now it’s actually happening.

And it ain’t just Naomi. The whole pussy posse—bar Trinity—seem down to play ball.

Does this mean Shea and Miz Cracker will enter All Stars 5 trying not to slay so hard? It’s a paw-sibility, because it’s either that or make sure you win every challenge—which production don’t let happen anyway.

All Stars is now officially a different *beast,* and I’m feeling it.

These queens had the chance to play fair on their seasons, and they all lost.

All Stars forces you to outsmart the rest, be imaginative. Or be lucky—but hey, life’s not fair.

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 9: Queen of shade

Naomi was hiss-terical

“I am such a good performer, honestly.”

“I sent Manila home because… I wanted to.”

“Trinity, what’s it like to be white?”

The Brexit negotiator we all need—she’s got the confidence, the tactical skills, and what says freedom of movement more than those legs?

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 9: Winners and losers

Lip sync, lip sink, or split lip?

Lip sink. I didn’t really get it, I wasn’t wowed.

“I already said bye so I’m not going to say it again,” said Latrice.

Drag Race royalty Latrice Royale

Me waiting for this episode to be over. (World of Wonder/VH1)

Latrice’s nine lives are up. Drag royalty no doubt, but you can’t say she’s going before her time.

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 10: the final

What’s the twist?

After #Shangelagate Ru doesn’t trust the girls to make a fair decision. But you know who she does trust? Her winners, baby.

Have they been secretly watching every challenge? Will they allow another blonde and white queen to take the crown?

Who should win?

Trinity deserves the crown, but I just don’t want her to win.

I know it’s unfair but I root for Monet, live for Monique and would quite honestly follow Naomi into battle.

With Trinity? I think she’s good at Drag Race. For me, that’s not enough. But what do you queens think?

[polldaddy poll=10235972]

Drag Race All Stars 4 Episode 10: The report cards

1st: Trinity the Tuck

4 wins, 1 high, 2 safe, 1 low, 1 bottom.

Edit began as: the one to beat / lip sync assassin (Alaska, Ben DeLa Creme).

Edit finishing as: the one to beat.

A winner’s edit so clear it could be called on day one.

2nd: Monique Heart

3 wins, 1 high, 3 safe, 2 bottom.

Edit began as: narrator (Trixie).

Edit finishing as: narrator.

Nobody gives talking head quite like my girl Monique. I understand the people who say she was more likeable on her season, but she’ll always be stunning to me.

3rd: Monet X Change

3 wins, 1 high, 2 safe, 1 low, 2 bottom.

Edit began as: comeback queen (Katya) or iconic victim of format (Tatianna).

Edit finishing as: comeback queen.

Despite a report card a whisker behind Monique, I think the edit is placing her as the only one able to challenge Trinity for the crown.

4th: Naomi Smalls

1 win (2 if you count the lip sync battle), 3 high, 2 safe, 3 bottom.

Edit began as: Fan favourite that loses out on a top place (see: Alyssa).

Edit finishing as: Villain-lite (Milk, Bebe).

Yay—she saw this coming, too, and had none of it.