No, NASA hasn’t changed the zodiac and, no, a 13th sign hasn’t just been discovered. So don’t worry, astrology gays

Don't worry, astrology gays – NASA has not changed the zodiac

NASA has a message for astrology queers: No, we did not change the zodiac.

The announcement by the space agency comes after reports yesterday that a “13th star sign” had been discovered, sending astrology gays into cosmic disarray.

The alleged discovery of “Ophiuchus”, an “extra” zodiac sign not referenced in Western astrology, was taken to mean that the dates of the astrological calendar had shifted by as much as a month.

This turned gentle, stubbornly napping Taurus into fiery, no-nonsense Aries. Hard-working and loyal Capricorn became rebellious, unreliable Sagittarius.

And imagine the problems this threw up for queer couples, many of which will have listed their “big three” – Sun, Moon and Rising signs – on their dating profiles.

The only group happy yesterday, it would seem, were the newly ex-Geminis, the most maligned of all the zodiac.

But NASA has now clarified that, actually, we’ve known about Ophiuchus for thousands of years – and this doesn’t change the zodiac.

“We see your comments about a zodiac story that re-emerges every few years,” NASA tweeted.

“No, we did not change the zodiac. When the Babylonians invented the constellations 3,000 years ago, they chose to leave out a 13th sign. So, we did the math.”

In its blog post, NASA first makes it abundantly clear that astrology is not exactly their remit.

“Here at NASA, we study astronomy, not astrology. We didn’t change any zodiac signs, we just did the math,” the space agency emphasised.

Whilst NASA will have angered queers by going on to state that astrology is “not a science”, it did go on to explain why we have 12 zodiac signs despite there being 13 constellations in the zodiac.

It basically comes down to convenience: 3,000 years ago, the Babylonians had 12 months in their calendar. To make the zodiac neat, they picked 12 of the signs so each month could have an equal slice of the astrological pie – and just left Ophiuchus out.

NASA said: “But even according to the Babylonians’ own ancient stories, there were 13 constellations in the zodiac.

“So they picked one, Ophiuchus, to leave out. Even then, some of the chosen 12 didn’t fit neatly into their assigned slice of the pie and crossed over into the next one.

“To make a tidy match with their 12-month calendar, the Babylonians ignored the fact that the sun actually moves through 13 constellations, not 12. Then they assigned each of those 12 constellations equal amounts of time.

“So, we didn’t change any zodiac signs… we just did the math.”

Not only is Ophiuchus not a new discovery, neither is the astrological panic from queers – this story comes up every couple of years.

At least it was a brief distraction from the cosmic nightmare that is 2020.