Masturbation is an effective painkiller, according to science


Menstruators rejoice! A global clinical study has confirmed that it’s scientifically possible to keep your period cramps away with masturbation.

For the millions of people who find themselves in a bloody mess each month, it may be a comfort to know that Mother Nature’s curse comes with a natural painkiller.

No, we’re not talking about Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest Goop gimmick, it’s the results of the “Menstrubation Study” launched by Womanizer and Lunette.

The two brands united to destigmatise two of society’s biggest taboos – menstruation and masturbation – while helping to close the gender health gap that disadvantages women in medical advances and research.

Researchers surveyed 500 people who menstruate and asked them to take no conventional painkillers for a month, instead using sex toys kindly provided by the study.

Of those 500 lucky participants, a total of 70 per cent said regular masturbation had an impact on the intensity of their period pains, reporting an almost immediate effect.

This was still noticeable even after they returned to their usual remedies in October – though we wouldn’t blame them if they chose to keep using the hands-on method.

Regular masturbation was also shown to help alleviate other nasty period symptoms, like backache, sore breasts, diarrhoea, bloating and the need for sleep.

It’s no wonder that 90 per cent said they would recommend masturbation to combat period pains to a friend, and 85 per cent said they planned to uphold their masturbation routine to combat period pains in future.

It all comes down to the hormones released after an orgasm: endorphins, which impact the perception and processing of pain; oxytocin, which reduces the stress hormone cortisol; and dopamine, which gives you that all-important dose of euphoria, happiness and inner bliss.

At the same time metabolism and blood circulation are both stimulated, relaxing the muscles and creating more overall comfort.

These chemical reactions are highest during and after orgasm – and all combined, it forces the physical processes that cause pain to take a back seat.

“It is the best idea ever. Thank you,” said one happy orgasm-haver. “I haven’t felt this great in relation to my mensuration in years,” commented another.

The study was conducted in collaboration with Dr Jones, clinical psychologist, sex therapist and head researcher who has reviewed and validated the results.

So the next time you feel that familiar stab in your abdomen, you know what to do.