11 questions you’ve always wanted to ask a lesbian, but felt too scared to

It’s normal to be inquisitive, and it’s totally understandable that the straight masses are fascinated with lesbians – we are magical, mythical lady-creatures.

Sometimes, the questions posed to us are absolutely fine, A-OK, cricket, etc. But, curiosity did kill the cat – and there are certain questions that people really needn’t and/or shouldn’t ask.

Here are some of the best questions – and some of the worst.

1. When did you know you were gay?

Let’s start with this perfectly innocent enquiry.

It’s little wonder straight people are desperate to understand this, being that they’ve never had to figure out their sexuality. There’s no simple answer, though.

Everyone will have had a different, personal and unique experience. Some people always know. Some people don’t work it out until they’re actual grown-ups, thanks to those pesky heteronormative codes.

2. Which one of you is the man?

And now let’s get this offensive little query out of the way.

Don’t ask this. Ever. Nobody is the man, because we’re both women.

3. How did you come out?

Most of us won’t mind answering this question – some of our stories will be funny, some will be sad, some awkward.

Coming out often sucks, though, so not everyone will feel comfortable talking about it, particularly if it was traumatic or difficult.

4. Have you ever been subjected to homophobia?

Yep – loads. Would you like a detailed report, or a comedic retelling?

5. How do you have sex?

DO NOT ASK ANYONE THIS. Gay, straight, lesbian, bi, trans – DON’T ASK ANYONE.

It’s rude, weird, and awkward. Also, you have internet access. Figure it out.

6. How are you going to have kids?

We’ll just put the penis in the vagina, and squirt. Oh, wait, yeah, quite a few lesbians don’t have the penis bit.

Seriously though – you’re going to regret asking this when we’re 30 minutes in, discussing transvaginal scans, sperm banks, polyps, and the harrowing financial burden that is getting lesbi-pregnant. 

7. What did your parents say?

They cheered. Next!

8. Do your periods sync with your S.O.’s?

Erm, yeah, sometimes we menstruate at the same time.

And yeah, the sheets always need changing when we’re done. And sometimes the cats need a good wash, too.

9. Do you ever look at a man and find him attractive?

If you need to ask this, you also need to think more. Of COURSE we find some men attractive, because some men are really bloody good-looking.

Leopards and wolves are mighty fine too, as is our new 70s drinks trolley – we don’t want to bang them, though.

10. Are you ever attracted to your friends?

What a loaded question. No, we don’t fancy you, Carol.

We’re in plutonic relationships with our friends. There’s plenty of tempting women who live outside our friendship group; we won’t fall in love with you.

(Okay, we might, but we won’t tell you for fear of ruining our happy alliance.)

11. Are you all really obsessed with cats?


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