Dad reacted horribly when his gay son came out and was racist about his boyfriend. Years later, he wants to make things right

Coming out dad gay son

A dad who reacted badly when his son came out as gay now wishes he could “turn the clock back” and make things right – but it might already be too late.

The father wrote to The Sun’s advice columnist Deidre Sanders about his harsh reaction when his son first came out as gay.

“I reacted badly when my son first told me he’s gay.

“I am his dad and I wish I could turn the clock back but a recent angry outburst showed that he has never forgiven me.

“Now I am 60 and he is 36. He had a breakdown when he was 22 and just out of university.”

The dad explained that his son had been in a same-sex relationship that “ended badly” and he was “left feeling distraught”.

“I reacted very negatively to him being gay and now realise I didn’t give him my full support.”

He also admitted to making “racist remarks” about his son’s partner, claiming he was “fearful of the reaction of others”.

I reacted very negatively to him being gay and now realise I didn’t give him my full support.

His son’s anger has been “close to the surface” for years, and the pair were estranged for some time.

Now, the father wishes he could change the way he reacted to his son’s coming out.

He is worried his cruel reaction to his son’s coming out has left a ‘scar’.

“He is happy with a partner now but it has left a scar on him. I’ve said I am sorry but it sounds so meaningless.”

In her response, advice columnist Deidre Sanders told the man that children crave “unconditional love” from their parents – and noted that this is why his son feels so hurt.

“If your attitudes and prejudices really have changed, apologising to your son now will sound authentic,” she wrote.

Sanders concluded by telling the man to write his son a letter where he can carefully word an apology that comes from the heart.