‘I married a man and came out as trans’


Cal (he/they) has spoken on his experience of coming out as transmasculine and how it impacted existing relationships along with what the word “lesbian” means to them.

“A transmasc person is a trans person that is a masculine person, and masculinity can mean different things to different people,” Cal tells PinkNews.

They came out as a transmasculine, non-binary lesbian when they were an adult, and once they began to navigate their own gender identity, began an intense journey of self-reflection.

“Once I started to cultivate a conception around my own gender identity, I was able to reflect on my whole life up until that point and be like ‘duh, of course. How did nobody notice this?’,” they explain.

“My relationship with my now ex-husband was very interesting,” Cal shares.

“It was actually very easy. I found that we had a lot more problems when we were dating than we did after I came out to him.

“I was like, I do love you. I’d love to be friends and we were already living together and we had dogs, so it was a very natural transition.

“If you love someone and they turn out to be gay, you should be an ally,” Cal laughs, reflecting on their current relationship with their ex-husband.

“I only ever wanted to do all the things that boys wanted to do, play all the games that boys wanted to play”, they add of uncovering their own identity and looking back at their past. “I was friends with boys because I felt like it was easier to be around them.”

Cal’s relationship with the word “lesbian” is, and always has been, complicated.

“I’m not straight and I’m not bi because I’m not attracted to men in the way that I am attracted to women.

“In my version of lesbian, there is space for gender non-conforming individuals. There is space for masculinity.”

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