Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson destroys all of politics in hilarious speech

Ruth Davidson, the leader of the Scottish Conservatives, has ripped into many of her party colleagues in an incredible speech.

Ms Davidson made the lighthearted speech in a lunch with the Westminster press lobby – having travelled to the capital for David Cameron’s last Cabinet meeting.

In the speech she took at aim at everyone from former Conservative leadership hopefuls Stephen Crabb and Andrea Leadsom to Labour challenger Angela Eagle.

Of Eagle, she recalled: “I’d had a phone call from [Conservative comms chief] Craig Oliver [before the EU refernedum] saying we want you to do the Wembley debate, Labour are putting up Angela Eagle.

“I said, that is great Craig but are you absolutely sure you want two short-haired, flat shoes, shovel-faced lesbians with a northern accent?

“I think he’d never been spoken to like that before as he turned into Hugh Grant, and then we got Sadiq instead.”

Referring to the state of the country, she said: “Everyone else in UK politics is either resigning, getting knifed, bottling it, withdrawing, failing, declaring, or falling on their sword.

“I think the mad thing in all of the last few weeks is that the last man standing is Jeremy Corbyn. Although I am pleased that the PLP is about to show how united they are by putting forward a second unity candidate against the first.

“That’s the difference between our two parties – Labour is still fumbling with its flies while the Tories are enjoying their post-coital cigarette, after withdrawing our massive Johnson.”

She added: “Sorry that’s not even my speech, that’s just a text from Stephen Crabb.”

Crabb, a ‘traditional values’ candidate who opposed equal marriage, was implicated in a sexting scandal last week.

She then turned her fire on Tory MP Andrea Leadsom, joking: “I didn’t say that, you can’t report that, and it would be gutter journalism of the highest order if you wrote down exactly what I’ve just said.”

Continuing to rib Leadsom’s enhanced CV, she added: “Before politics not only was I a BBC journalist but I singlehandedly saved the British banking system during the Barings collapse, and I piloted Apollo 13 back down to earth.

“A little known fact was that I was the original Misha the bear at the 1980 Moscow olympics, and that was the same year I won Eurovision – which, speaking as a mother, is a hard thing to do.”