Men are masturbating with banana peels but at least they’re getting their five a day

Men are using bananas as self-fashioned sex toys and it's no side-splitting matter, warn doctors. (Stock photo via Elements Envato)

OK, reader, you clicked this article for a reason.

Was it morbid curiosity, perhaps? Was it to see if we’d make a ‘Sexual Peeling’ joke in the introduction?

Whatever your reason, there is truly no escape now. Both from reading this article and from being aware that somewhere in our vast cosmos, there is a man using a banana peel to masturbate with.

In the unwanted sequel to men using toothpaste as lube, there are now men using banana peels to pleasure themselves, a trend that has forced doctors to beg men not to take part.

One man used banana peel to masturbate and ended up slipping on it.

A redditor took to the r/teenagers board to describe how he stumbled onto a website which listed “home-made male sex toys”, once of which being a banana peel.

The teen grabbed a banana from his grandmother’s house and prepped the peel, but then let slip: “If only I could have foreseen the upcoming events.

“Perhaps then I could have spared myself the pain and humiliation.”

But as he was doing the deed, he gradually noticed “black goop” coming from the fruit. It was everywhere, he said, “I still don’t understand how a seemingly empty banana was able to produce so much liquid.”

“The entirety of my body from the waist down was absolutely covered in the banana’s dark liquid and below me was a puddle of it.

“I now understand why banana peels are so slippery.

(Stock photo via Elements Envato)

(Stock photo via Elements Envato)

“As I rose from the toilet seat I was sitting on to begin to clean up the mess I made, my feet slipped and my body fell back in what seemed like slow motion. In my descent, I banged my head against the toilet seat.”

Doctors plead men not to use bananas peels to pleasure with: ‘You could develop a rash’.

Subscribers to JackInWorld, the self-proclaimed “Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource,” gave the “banana man” 4.5 out of five stars with 368 votes cast so far.

It’s complete with a tutorial and top tips, including using “the banana slime” as a “lubricant”.

But medical professionals have appeeled against the practise, citing that the act can cause rashes and painful sores.

Doctor Diana Gill of prescription service Doctor-4-U cautioned: “You could develop a rash and sores on the penis which can be painful and might lead to infection,” she told the Sun.

Anyway, it’s time to log-off from the internet. Perhaps until the end of time itself.