Broadway legend Pattie LuPone proudly tells Alyssa Edwards and Andy Cohen that she’s had crabs… twice

Patti LuPone was peak Patti LuPone on an episode of Watch What Happens Next with Andy Cohen. (Screen capture via YouTube)

American Broadway legend Patti LuPone wasn’t crabby in the slightest when asked whether she’s had crabs before.

Appearing via video uplink on Watch What Happens Live, host Andy Cohen alongside Drag Race royalty Alyssa Edwards quizzed the star Monday about everything from trashing her dressing room to how she’s had crabs “twice”.

What an odd string of words.

Edwards, dressed as LuPone’s character Joanne from the Stephen Sondheim musical Company, hosted the “Shady Lady Who Lunches!” round. It saw Cohen guess whether alleged things LuPone has said or done are true or not.

And we found out a lot of very LuPone things about LuPone.

Patti LuPone has had crabs twice.

Cohen couldn’t contain his disbelief when a deadpan LuPone, with a glimmer of pride, announced she’s had crabs twice.

The talk show host originally guessed she hadn’t acquired pubic louse before, leading to a lot of jaws dropping and stunned reactions.

“I feel like everyone in New York in the 80s and 90s had crabs,” Cohen joked, to which LuPone rosily zinged: “How about the 70s!”

She trashed her dressing room after being fired from Sunset Boulevard

Ready and rearing to go, the Tony-winning actor found out she had been fired from the West End production of Sunset Boulevard after reading a gossip column – she had been recast with Glenn Close.

“I took a floor lamp and I used it as batting practice,” she said.

“I smashed up my waiting area and then took the floor lamp and threw it out of the second-floor window.”

Patti LuPone refuses to watch the Cats movie, and that’s the most relatable thing she’s ever said. 

Judi Dench as a cat

Dame Judi Dench in the Cats movie trailer. (Universal)

The cursed movie adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical bombed in the box office in 2019 for many, many reasons.

“I will never watch it,” she said.

“I just saw the revival of it and walked out after the first act.

“I saw it originally in London and hated it, so I’m not surprised that it bombed onscreen. From one to 10, how about zero.”

She doesn’t think fellow star Barbra Streisand would make a good Mama Rose in Gypsy

“I think maybe 50 years ago, she would have been a brilliant Madame Rose,” LuPone opined,

“I think she’s too old.

“But again, there’s technology to change all that, but I don’t know whether mentally she has that kind of… hunger.”

And, briefly, she once trespassed on a military base in Spain, hasn’t smoked her bong in a couple of decades and hasn’t ever seen a movie (or at least, one she can recall) starring Christina Aguilera.