Ask the Aunties: I think I am gay, how do I know for sure?

Meet Auntie Lee and Auntie Karnage, PinkNews’ resident panel of advice-giving experts! In this edition of Ask the Aunties, they offer advice to a young person who is asking themselves a common question: “Am I gay?”

As a young person begins to grapple with questions about their identity, the exploration of their own sexual orientation can be a complex and introspective journey. For a young person, this can be a liberating and challenging time in their lives.

Queer agony aunts Lee Gray and Karnage Kills share their own experiences in realising their sexuality as they respond to a dilemma sent in from a young person looking for advice.

The dilemma: Am I gay?

The reader’s dilemma reads: “I’m 13 and lately I’ve been wondering if I like guys.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Ask the Aunties: Their response

“Well I was sleeping one night and I woke up to a bright light and at the end of the bed was a gay fairy,” Karnage laughs.

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“In all seriousness, I don’t know. I feel like I’ve always known.” Karnage admits.

“I used to have girlfriends but more so to impress the men in my family. I would never really do anything too drastic with them and then I was always looking at the boys in my classroom, and thinking: ‘Oh my gosh, he’s so fit’.”

“I can’t pinpoint a certain time where I thought: ‘Oh my gosh, I’m gay,'” he says.

This is an image of two Black men. On the left, he is wearing a white tshirt and has long black hair. On the right, he is wearing a tyedye shirt. They are both sitting on a grey couch in a white room.
PinkNews’ in-house advice team of Auntie Karnage and Auntie Lee offer advice to another reader dilemma. (PinkNews)

“With me, it was almost like I was told I was before I even knew I was gay.” Lee confesses.

Lee says that he fell into all of those ‘gay’ stereotypes: most of his friends were girls and he was into drama and theatre.

“I had that at the back of my mind because you start to question it, but at that time I didn’t have attraction to anybody,” Lee continues.

“I would say I realised I was gay maybe at the beginning of secondary school.

“I certainly knew I was gay when I was in the drama room and some of the things you shouldn’t be doing in the drama room—method acting,” he laughs.

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Lee remembers that he had a huge crush on the cartoon version of Hercules from the Disney movie: “I had posters of Hercules and Mariah Carey in my room.”

He continues: “For the 13-year-old who wrote into us, I feel like that is the age where you do start to experiment, but there isn’t any rush.

“If you like guys, that’s ok. If you like girls, that’s ok. And if you like guys and girls, that’s also ok.”

Karnage adds: “Society puts so much pressure on you, it’s so unnecessary.”

“Both of our journeys are completely different,” Lee concludes.

“Your situation will be different, so be patient with yourself and you will find who you like, honey!”


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