‘Comrade’ Britney Spears claims to have beaten the 100m world record by nearly 4 seconds

Singer, socialist and sprinter Britney Spears. (Gabe Ginsberg/FilmMagic)

Speed of light who? Singer, socialist and sprinter Britney Spears apparently doesn’t know that album after she claimed Thursday to have beaten the 100-metre world record by nearly four seconds.

In a bizzare and since-deleted Instagram post – the latest episode in the surreal and poorly-rated series 2020: The Existence We’re Trapped In – Spears explained that she usually manages to run 100 metres in “six or seven seconds”.

On her first try, she dashed an impressive “nine” seconds, beating the record held by Usain Bolt, which stands at a measly 9.58 seconds. Pathetic.

“Now I did it, whoop!” she wrote, showing a screenshot of a timer showing she just achieved the spring in 5.97 seconds.

“Getting over your fear of pushing it, in the beginning, is key,” she added. We imagine her next feat will be breaking the speed barrier.

Fans devastated that athlete Britney Spears won’t be able to compete in 2020 Tokyo Olympics. 

In telling her 23.7 million followers she’s now a pro athlete, fans were devasted that she won’t be representing Team USA at the Tokyo 2020 Games, which was postponed amid the coronavirus pandemic.

So, in the meantime, Spears stans took to Twitter to cheer their new future gold-medalist with memes that 100 per cent took her totally official statement that she breaks sporting records on the daily seriously.

Mother of Marxism: ‘Obviously I was joking.’

Spears, who earlier this week invented communism and wrote Das Kapital, later clarified in a follow-up post Thursday that, alas, she did not run 100 metres faster than Bolt.

“Obviously I was joking about running the 100-metre dash in 5.97 seconds,” she wrote.

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Okay I guess I’m bored …. in my home for two weeks of quarantine and I’m modeling dresses I never knew I had ?????? !!!! I tried to screen shot a picture but it didn’t work ?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️ I realized I had my hair in a pony tail and no shoes ??? anyhow I got this cute video !!! I was tired of being still so I got up to go dance in this orange dress ?? ….. and do you know what I just learned today ??!? That orange symbolizes wealth, success, stimulation, happiness, fun, balance, sexuality, enjoyment, expression, heat, sunshine, and warmth ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️??‍♀️ and that’s how I felt when I put it on !!!!!! PS …. obviously I was joking about running the 100 meter dash in 5.97 seconds …. the world record is held by Usain Bolt which is 9.58 seconds …. but you better believe I’m coming for the world record ? !!!! #joking #workbitch

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

She added: “The world record is held by Usain Bolt, which is 9.58 seconds.

“But you better believe I’m coming for the world record! #Joking #WorkB***h.”

While Spears might not be winning Olympic medals anytime soon, she has won the hearts of countless folks gripped in fear and paranoia amid the coronavirus pandemic.

The “Toxic” singer pledged to give financial aid to those impacted by the virus and later proved that all her songs are secret socialist anthems when she shared a quote rallying for “wealth redistribution” and “strike”.