‘Lipstick lesbian’: 10 problems every femme lesbian will relate to

Like all people, when it comes to lesbians, or bisexuals, or otherwise not-straight-identifying women, there’s a whole smörgåsbord of different styles, looks and behaviours.

Among the labels that some lesbians decide to nestle comfortably into, some are butch, some boi, and some of us are femme or a ‘lipstick lesbian’.

The definition of femme, according to Oxford Dictionaries, is “a lesbian whose appearance and behaviour are seen as traditionally feminine”.

Similarly, a lipstick lesbian favours “a glamorous, traditionally feminine style.”

This “traditionally feminine” business is what’s confusing the masses, however, with many still under the misapprehension that lesbians never have long hair / wear makeup / and so on.

The more androgynous and “masculine” among us have their own problems, but here are some femme, or ‘lipstick lesbian’, issues…

1. People say you’re too pretty to be a lesbian

Starting with the obvious, this is something every femme lesbian will be well acquainted with. It’s an insult dressed up as a compliment. The implication is that all lesbians are ugly, or at least not pretty.

2. People say you don’t look like a lesbian

Quite similar to #1, people frequently tell you that you don’t look like a lesbian / that you look straight, because lesbians all look butch or boi, apparently.

And what exactly does a straight person look like? Last we checked, they’re all different too.

3. People think you just haven’t met the right man yet

… Because you look so much like a straight woman. Your hair is long, you’ve got makeup on, you’re wearing a dress! You must be straight. Girls who look like girls aren’t into girls, right? Ugh, why is this so complicated! Hopefully you find him soon and stop confusing everyone.

4. And they think you must be bisexual

You might like girls, but you definitely like boys too. You’re too girly to be wasted entirely on women.

5. Or perhaps you’re just going through a phase

Yeah, this is all much of a muchness, but as well as all of the above, femme lesbian commentators will assume that you’re just experimenting and that you’ll likely end up with a lovely, hunky manly-man eventually.