Comment: Gay dogs have rights too

Illustrated rainbow pride flag on a white background.

While the Americans shake their heads about sexually explicit emails between a Congressman and an intern, the UK has developed its own British style internet saga with a Conservative councillor resigning after jokingly suggesting that gay animals would have to be included on a modern day’s Noah’s Ark.’s Marc Shoffman meets a gay dog who has been driven barking mad by the issue.

Humphrey lives off the Brighton and Hove seafront with his owners Jamie and Grahame. He can regularly be seen trotting along the pier with his rainbow boa shaking his derriere to the sound of the crashing waves.

The 4-year-old Boxer enjoys walks, dinnertime and tummy rubs, he says he would expect to make it onto Noah’s Ark.

He told that gay animal jokes have been going on for too long: “This is mad, just because I enjoy humping other male dogs that doesn’t make me bad, you should see what the cat next door gets up to.”

Sitting up in his doggy basket, he announces it is time gay animal rights were recognised, “My owners have tried introducing me to female dogs but once you have sniffed one bum they all feel the same.

“So what is wrong with a bit of variety, I am just expressing myself freely and am growing dog tired with these bigots who judge me without getting to know me.

“Sexuality is fluid and I like to think Noah would have accepted me.”

He asked why one dog life is more valuable than the other, ” I can sit, roll over and shake hands better than most straight dogs, I can even put my paws on my hips and strike a camp pose.

“The world needs gay dogs, otherwise who is going to model in those Pedigree Chum adverts. We are leaders in dog grooming, food promotion and cinema production. Look at Lassie and Beethoven, well groomed, well behaved, clear closet cases.”

He expressed distress at the remarks made by Bournemouth councillor David Clutterbuck, who has now resigned over the remarks after refusing to apologise over the comments which were made in an email exchange with other council colleagues.

After explaining what the internet was to Humphrey, he said: “Well that seems like a waste of council resources, maybe he should be spending more time constructing doggy litter bins, the number of times I have been caught short too far from a disposal unit. Do you know how hard it is to hold it in while your owner drags you to a more ‘appropriate’ place?”

Humphrey says if he was a politician he would make sure members of his council worked appropriately and respected all animals, “I am shocked to not see any dogs on the Conservative A List, we are supposed to live in an age of equality, I am man’s best friend, so where is my voice?”

Rumours of Humphrey putting himself forward for Prime Minister are unfounded, “You are barking up the wrong tree,” he said.