Straight man worries he’s sexist because he doesn’t care his wife is having an affair with a woman
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A straight man found out that his wife had an affair with a woman – and now he’s worried that he might be sexist because he doesn’t care.
The man wrote anonymously to Slate‘s advice columnist after he found out that his wife had been cheating on him.
In the letter, the man said he found out about the affair after “months of odd bank transactions, weird absences, and strange smells on her clothes”.
He finally confronted her wife, asking her if she was cheating on him, and she broke down and confessed.
Straight man said he was ‘relieved’ when he found out his wife was having an affair with a woman.
“I was upset until she revealed she was cheating on me with a female co-worker,” the man wrote.
“She apologised profusely and swore that she still loved me and wanted to make our relationship work.
“Oddly, I found myself relieved,” he said.
“I’m not happy she lied but almost don’t care that she was carrying on an affair with a woman. Yet I feel like it almost makes me a bad person if I’m OK with this.
“Somehow it seems sort of sexist! Is it OK that I am (mostly) OK with my wife having had an affair with a woman?”
I’m not happy she lied but almost don’t care that she was carrying on an affair with a woman.
Advice columnist Danny M Lavery confirmed the man’s fears: he is “definitely” being sexist.
“It’s definitely sexist that you don’t care if your wife was sleeping with another woman, given how upset you were when you thought she was sleeping with a man, but you don’t have to call yourself a bad person over it either,” Lavery replied.
The advice columnist confirmed the man’s worst fears: he is sexist.
He continued: “It is sexist, but ‘men getting insufficiently mad at their wives’ girlfriends’ isn’t a pressing feminist issue.”
Lavery went on to tell the man that he and his wife need to talk about where they can go next in their relationship.
“Your wife says she loves you and wants to make things work. Does she also love the woman she’s been having an affair with?” he wrote.
“Were they emotionally involved with each other, or was it mostly just about the sex? Does your wife want to keep seeing her, and would you be OK with that?”
Lavery urged the man to think about exactly how much he cares that his wife cheated on him.
“I wonder if you’re confusing the absence of anger with not feeling anything at all,” he added.
