Drag Race UK fans declare queen the new Miss Vanjie after chaotic episode: ‘Best exit ever’

Black Peppa Jonbers Blonde and Sminty Drop.

The rollercoaster that is Drag Race UK season four shows absolutely no signs of slowing down after its latest episode.

This week’s Drag Race UK featured a musical chairs mini-challenge, a feline-themed spoof of the chat show Chatty Man, hosted by Alan Carr himself, an important conversation on the significance of hair for the queens – and the saddest twerking we’ve ever seen.

The British TV icon Alison Hammond guest judged, bringing her hilarious comments, warmth and a copious amount of cackling to the main stage. She could honestly sit and do nothing and we’d all still stan. Queen.

This week’s mini-challenge proved that sometimes Drag Race really is just a fever dream, as the queens stuffed their tights with various items, including pastries (we’re not sure either, ask Le Fil) to get into “derriere enhanced quick drag”. The game – Line of Booty Duty – was musical chairs with drag queens, seeing Pixie Polite beat Sminty Drop to the win.

Pixie’s victory meant that she was in charge of splitting the queens up for the maxi-challenge, a cat themed version Alan Carr’s British cultural cornerstone chat show, titled Catty Man. See what they did there, kitty gurl?

The universal signifier of shade – the rattlesnake sound effect – played as Pixie divided the teams up, after picking Cheddar Gorgeous and Danny Beard for her own team.

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The Brighton-based queen said that she selected the other two trios – Dakota, Le Fil and Baby, and Sminty, Jonbers and Peppa – by just splitting the line down the middle. Later, though she revealed to Danny and Cheddar: “I did go down the line, but it was very conveniently done… I was thinking: ‘How do I do a middle team, and a team that maybe I think will do the worst.'”

Pixie Polite? More like Pixie Plot for sabotage (CC: Miss Fiercalicious).

The teams then headed to set for the maxi-challenge. Chedder, Pixie and Danny predictably smashed their scenario out of the (cat) park, playing a ‘child-star’, their long lost sister and the psychic ‘Mystic Mog’.

Alan asking Danny: “Do you think it’s funny coming out here with joke teeth?” and Danny spitting them out and replying: “Well I did actually Alan” deserves a BAFTA by itself.

Baby, Dakota and Le Fil did less well. Dakota and Baby had somehow switched voices, with Dakota’s corpsing was funnier than the sketch itself, and Le Fil fell slightly le flat as the doctor who could solve their problem. She missed a few easy jokes, and Baby’s singing hit the wrong chords, but the team pulled through with the help of some hairball vomiting.

Honestly, shoutout to Baby’s verse: “With my titties in your face… and you want a taste of the p**sy. But you cannot have the titties… for I am an independent woman.” Adele is shaking in her boots.

“She has a song writing degree, remember,” noted Danny Beard.

Peppa, Sminty and Jonbers performed as a bride, her catfish and the model that her catfish impersonated. Peppa and Jonbers did very well, but Sminty looked as confused as a cat following a laser pointer. Her sad, slow twerking was hilarious, but as Alan pointed out during critiques: “I thought it was the character, then I realised you just didn’t want to be there”. Sminty also just stayed onstage after the sketch ended? It was chaos and we loved it.

As they’re getting ready, the queens discussed the importance of hair – this week’s runway theme – and it’s surprisingly moving. Dakota talked about the hair she wasn’t allowed to grow as a trans woman, Cheddar revealed her struggle accepting her hair loss following a case of meningitis when she was younger, Le Fil spoke about wanting to grow her hair longer while growing up in a traditional Asian family, and Peppa shares the importance of hair in Caribbean culture with Cheddar.

The runway was sickening, featuring Cheddar as a Cheshire cat (why not!), Baby and Peppa with entire corsets structured out of hair, and Sminty as a moth that she spotted in her room.

After Pixie’s team placed in the top, and Baby, Sminty and Le Fil found themselves in the bottom, Danny snatched her first solo win, leaving Pixie to recreate Jan’s iconic season 12 face crack.

Le Fil was deemed safe, despite the judges being “obsessed” with Sminty’s runway. The two lip-synced to “Respectable” by Mel and Kim. It was a great performance for both, but Sminty was sent packing – and gave us the moment of the night.

Standing at the back of the stage, she repeated her sad twerking from the challenge with added crying and hair flips. Reader, we lost our minds, and so did Twitter, with some comparing it to season 10’s Miss Vanjie – an exit so remarkable, it bought her back for season 11.

Next week on Drag Race UKStrictly’s Giovanni Pernice guest choreographs the Rusical, and we’re already preparing for the level of talent and thirst bought by the queens.

Drag Race UK airs on BBC Three and BBC iPlayer Thursdays at 9pm.