39 thoughts I had watching All Stars 8, episode 4: ‘We come to this All Stars for drama’

All Stars 8 episode four screengrab

With nine All Stars 8 contestants left, the queens are tasked with directing trailers for their very own TV shows, and viewers aren’t anywhere close to being short-changed on drama.

On Drag Race season nine, one of Alexis Michelle’s strongest talents was undoubtedly deflecting blame – and given that All Stars is about improving on your talents, I’m thrilled to say that those behavioural tendencies haven’t gone anywhere.

This week’s challenge sees our nine queens split into three groups of three to create a trailer for any kind of TV show they fancy. Darienne, Jaymes and Alexis are signposted to lose from the off by sheer virtue of Darienne’s track record, while Kahanna, a distinctly unfunny queen, receives the blessing of her lifetime by joining the very funny Heidi and Lala. Jessica, Jimbo and Kandy seem like surefire winners as a trio of Ru’s faves.

Following episode three, Heidi threatens to become an alliance shaker, Kandy runs the Werk Room like a McDonald’s kitchen, the Lip Sync Assassin is a certified Drag Race OG and yet another queen joins the Fame Games. Buckle up – it’s the best episode yet.

Here are 39 thoughts I had watching All Stars 8, episode 4.

  • Mrs Kasha Davis has sashayed away after what can only be described as a heartbreaking elimination. Even so, all I can think about is Jessica’s massive, bouncy boobs, which is not a sensation I’m familiar with.
  • Last week in Untucked, Heidi was pressed and threatened to quit, and it looks like Kasha’s elimination has not improved matters. Drama rears its head when the lipstick count reveals that the vote was evenly split between Kasha and Darienne, five to four. Just like Nicole Kidman, we come to this All Stars for drama.
  • A flashback to last week’s episode confirms that Jessica did, in fact, win a ball challenge with things glued to a corset. And good for her. Not sure the girls think the same, though.
  • Seeing Alexis walk back into the Werk Room this week really makes me want season nine Alexis back. I need delusion, Alexis, and I need it now.
  • Ru – dressed as a pimp, for some reason – tells the ladies that this week’s maxi-challenge is to create sickening TV trailers for any kind of show they fancy. If it’s anything like season nine’s scripted challenge, we’re in for a treat.
  • The gworls have to pop balloons with the Pit Crew (or have it popped against them) to find out what team they’re on. Do we think the Pit Crew just wake up with oiled, rippling abs?
  • Heidi gets her ballon popped by Bruno and ends up spreadeagled on the ground. God, I wish that was me.
  • This is not educational, but it sure is good viewing.
  • Darienne is a dead woman walking, surely. Two times in the bottom already.
  • Alexis isn’t keen on Darienne’s sketch idea – a cross between Lost and dead celebs. I cannot wait for it to go tits up and Alexis to throw Darienne and Jaymes under the bus!
  • Heidi, Lala and Kahanna are going for a cute horror moment, with Lala and Heidi playing “bumbling fools”. Talk about typecasting! (I love you, girls.)
  • Kandy, Jimbo and Jessica are grouped together. If I could pick the competition’s two biggest personalities (cough, egos) it would be two of those three. And it’s not Jessica.
  • Kandy is delivering a rapid-fire barrage of ‘no’s. It’s annoying me and I’m not there. But I know that Kandy is going to pull it out the bag anyway.

You may like to watch

  • We’re now on set, and I’m peeing at Jimbo’s look. Another incoming win for the Canadian, methinks, because Ru loves her.
  • Did Michelle Visage just come out? Kandy said she was gay and Michelle said “same”. Werk.
  • Every one of these scenes involves at least one of the queens pretending to perform some kind of sex act with the Pit Crew. Who wrote this!
  • Heidi and Lala are so funny, I’m genuinely laughing at a Drag Race acting challenge! First time for everything.
  • Kahanna takes a brief trip on the struggle bus, but happily gets off after one stop. Good for her. I feel like she’ll be saved by her teammates.
  • I hate it when Michelle Visage acts as though simple ideas are actually rocket science for the sake of a producer storyline. For example, it’s pretty clear that Darienne will be in the bottom of this episode whatever happens; and the justification they’re going to use for that placement is that the script was too complicated. But ‘Lost but with dead celebrities’ is hardly The Da Vinci Code.
  • The way Drag Race shoehorns in product placement is so jarring. The girls are having to use Canva to make a poster for their pilots – who knew one of the facets of being an All Star was graphic design?
  • Jimbo, Kandy and Jessica set up another alliance! Kandy has half the cast onside at this point!
  • Alexis is giving drama!!! YES!!! She says there’s weakness on her team and it’s not her. I live.
  • Kandy is running this Werk Room like the Navy.
  • Heidi snaps after Kandy asks how she’s feeling (in front of everyone), declaring that Ms Muse has said some real shady s**t about girls that she’s now kiki-ing with! Heidi, I’m going to need you to spill that tea.
  • It’s runway time with the theme ‘Ass the World Turns’. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jaymes Mansfield look like that – and whether that’s good or bad is up to you to decide.
  • OK, Kandy, this runway is IT! Strangely, no one else’s look is very ass-tastic. Kandy looks like a cross between a sex doll and a flotation device.
  • Jimbo has a ‘titty-butt’ and I, for one, am terrified.
  • Heidi is dressed as Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Yes, you heard that correctly.
  • I was about to ask whether Kahanna’s real ass was in attendance, and then I was remembered that her brand is more plastic surgery these days than Trinity the Tuck. So in a sense, yes and no.
  • Darienne, Lala and Jaymes’s trailer is like … good? I think. I don’t know.
  • Kandy, Jimbo and Jessica are trying to make it out of high school alive, and Jimbo is predictably stealing the scene. The red lipstick is back!
  • Lala and Heidi absolutely trample Kahanna in their trailer. They’re so funny.
  • The queens will be judged as queens which means it’s riggory time. Heidi’s team is safe but she doesn’t seem so pressed about it as last week.
  • I have to say, All Stars 8 Darienne Lake is not giving me what season six Darienne Lake gave me. Shame.
  • ALEXIS HAS, RIGHT ON CUE, THROWN DARIENNE UNDER THE BUS. BEEP BEEP. Season six Darienne would have thrown a stiletto at her.
  • Jimbo gets rave reviews and wins the challenge, as expected. I can’t lie, if I was on the cast, I’d be getting annoyed. Can’t wait to watch her lose another lip sync.
  • Darienne’s entire team is in the bottom (call me Mystic Meg). In my opinion, one of All Stars 8’s worst editing decisions is to show the voting deliberations in Untucked. Just a straight cut to the voting, no lube or anything.
  • The LSA is Shannel, all the way from season one! Jimbo is not exactly slaying, but she’s doing better than expected. Shannel also just … splats herself onto the ground?
  • In a shock to absolutely no one, Jimbo loses the lip sync. That means the group sends home … Darienne. A shame, but she’s off to pastures new in the Fame Games.

All Stars 8 episode four is available to stream now on WoW Presents Plus.