38 thoughts I had watching All Stars 8, episode 7: ‘Politely, what the f**k is going on?’

All Stars 8 has slashed the top six to a top five with a genuinely funny improv challenge – and some predictably questionable judging decisions.

All Stars 8, as a season, has been all over the place, with left-field casting choices, fan favourites quitting, strange judging, the lot.

That’s probably why, even though this most recent episode is one of the funniest Drag Race, Lil’ Poundcake-centric acting challenges I’ve ever seen, I can’t help but think this season’s narrative plan was to wing it as long as Kandy and Jimbo are at the end.

Still, Miss Lala Ri snatches a well-deserved win even though an obvious bottom queen is deemed safe. There’s more Werk Room drama that doesn’t feel particularly fun, but we do get RuPaul handing the girls their asses while mama was on her break, so that’s something.

Here are 38 thoughts I had while watching All Stars 8, episode seven: Forensic Queens:

• Miss Kandalina Musington just won 35 thousand dollars, meaning, as she says: “That’s a lot of chicken tenders.” Always on brand, and what a way for the season 13 queen to enter the top six of All Stars 8.
• So Kandy chose to eliminates Jaymes Mansfield last week, even though she technically had a stronger track record, and Jaymes was plucked on the mainstage; but probably not as plucked as she will be upon realising that every other queen voted for her too.
• Lala points out that the only queens without a win are her and Alexis. Personally, I still think Alexis should have won last week and the only reason I’m still tuning into this season is for the Lala Ri experience.
• The next day Miss Ri says she has a fire under her a*s, which is a phrase that always annoys me because like, you’re on Drag Race … why was there not always a fire? Why is your ass only just being set on fire? Sit in gasoline and get to it!
• RuPaul, dressed as Sue Sylvester’s male counterpart with a sports themed suit, announces that we’ve got another improv/acting challenge, and this time, it’s true-crime themed.
• I wonder who’s going to do well! No I don’t, I can already tell you who’s going home, and in that very vein, Kahanna is p*ssed at this acting challenge. Give the queen a performance challenge, please.
• It’s role deciding time and it all goes smoothly until Miss Michelle gets involved. Alexis concedes a role to Lala, and then wants the same role that Kandy does. Kandy snaps at Alexis and the season nine queen – shockingly – starts crying after she gives up her second choice.
• Let me just update my ‘X minutes since Alexis Michelle Tears’ notice to 0.
• Kandy is not being the nicest about the situation, it has to be said. I know she doesn’t owe Alexis anything and it’s a competition, but according to the edit we’re seeing, Alexis gave her the role that she wanted, started crying, and that annoyed Kandy enough for her to walk off?

• My god, maybe Heidi was right and quitting is the new winning this episode. Alexis says she’s not sure a competition is the best place for her to be, which is a strange thing to learn about yourself midway through your second time around Drag Race – and then Kahanna says she wants to go home too!
• Politely, what the f**k is going on here on this season of All Stars.
• Jessica is taking me out, give her the crown, I don’t care. “Can I have a margarita now?”
• My hot take is that All Stars should go back to a 4 year release schedule.
• NOT THEM GETTING RUPAUL HERSELF TO COME AND GATHER THE GIRLS IN THE WERK ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN DRAG RACE HERSTORY!
• I feel like it’s emotional blackmail to say: ‘Don’t quit this because other people don’t have the opportunity.’ Like, that can be entirely true, and you can also want to quit.
• Kahanna now magically wants to stay in the competition, but it’s fine because I’ll chop my actual d**k off if she lasts until next week.
• Laughing at Kahanna asking Jimbo how to be funny. Would be much like me asking someone how to be straight; not something you can learn!
• Alexis and Kandy make up. Nothing else to say there.

• The improv challenge starts with the ‘disappearance’ of season five contestant Lil’ Poundcake – Alaska and Lineysha Sparx’s creation.
• I’m going to hold my hands up and say that this is actually hilarious; proof that everything wrong with the Drag Race acting challenge is the writing.
• Lala as “Sharisha Coleman – the Sha is silent” has instantly snatched the win for me.
• Although, I’m not laughing at anyone apart from Lala. A few chuckles from Kahanna, weirdly. “A’Keria is the body” – always clever to self-reference.
• JIMBO! Oh, for god’s sake, she’s so funny. Why is she German? Who cares.
• I feel like Alexis Michelle is this season’s Jan. She’s consistently good, but production just won’t give her the win.
• Kandy is playing herself again which really pales in comparison to Lala’s comedy masterclass of the security guard.
• That was fun! I had fun.

• Runway time! Category is: Miss Fill In The Blank – and I’m so confused?
• OH! As if the queens have competed in their own imaginary pageant. Sure.
• Jessica is having a sausage party (jealous), Kahanna is Miss Tired Ass Showgirl (a serve) and Lala is Miss Bootlegger, which is objectively funny.
• Kandy references her season 13 Untucked moment as Miss Arrogant, Jimbo has giant boobs again and Alexis is dressed as, wait for it, a giant jockstrap. Once again, the horniest contestant Drag Race has ever seen.
• Honestly, normally I have more thoughts on critiques, but apart from Michelle making up something random about Kahanna, I kind of agree with what they’re saying? Kandy gets called out for playing herself, Lala and Jimbo get glowing critiques.
• They do tell Alexis that her character wasn’t ‘fun’ enough, which I get, but also – she was funny in that she was so serious?
• Lala wins! So cute. And then Kahanna and Alexis get put in the bottom over Kandy who had worse critiques than Kahanna? This is not a Kandy Muse hate train, I love the queen, I just says it as I sees it.

• Lala is so funny, this was her episode. “Let me have a moment with Jesus.” HA.
• The lip sync assassin is Jorgeous! Oh dear, Miss Lala, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Nice of RuPaul to release Jorgeous from her basement for this.
• Jorgeous came straight from the Bob Store with this wig. General manager, in fact, but I feel like neither of these queens are turning it out as hard as I know they can?
• The way Alexis starts crying when Kahanna gets eliminated is so unserious.
• I feel like Kahanna is going to murder the Fame Games.

All the Fame Games looks are available here.

RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars 8 continues on Fridays on Paramount+ in the US and on WOW Presents Plus in the UK and internationally.

• Nov 29 2023

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